


Who are you?

by Better_Than_Chocolate



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Heavy Angst, M/M, Secrets, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-02-10 01:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18650269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Better_Than_Chocolate/pseuds/Better_Than_Chocolate
Summary: “Hello. I’m Luke Garroway from NYPD. You must be Alexander Gideon Lightwood.” He said before sitting down, taking a look in his files.“Lightwood-Bane.” He corrected him with a narrow look. He could feel how his heart shattered as his name left his mouth. It made the weight constantly sitting on his chest even worse, the lump in his throat grew bigger, making it even harder to breath.“Yes, I am sorry.” The man said with a nod and Alec could see in his eyes that, he indeed meant it.“I thought Alderte was dealing with the case.” Alec said after a few seconds. Even though it was a statement, he meant it as a question.“Was. After how he tried to make you take the blame for it, he was taken off the case.” Garroway said, clearing his throat. Alec almost shivered in relief. The last thing he needed was to be accused.“So, you don’t think I did it?” Alec asked.“No, I don’t think you kidnapped your husband.”Or.Magnus disappears one day without any trace or sign.Alec tries everything to find him.The deeper he digs, the more secrets and lies he finds.But there are no secrets that time does not reveal.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello.
> 
>  
> 
> First of all, I know there is a final chapter to come for my latest fic (1825 days), which will be coming at some point during the week. It's done, it's been done for a month at least, but I don't want to post it just yet.
> 
>  
> 
> However, I have already started my next multichapter fic, which is also in an Alternative Universe.  
> I, originally, wanted to wait, but I couldn't. That's it. I was way too excited for not to share the first chapter with you guys.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. 
> 
> Ps. I know that officially they both go by Lightwood-Bane, but to avoid any sort of confusion as who they are talking about I decided to change it slightly.  
> Magnus Bane-Lightwood  
> Alec Lightwood-Bane 
> 
> I know it’s not the best but I don’t want to confuse myself or anyone by calling them the same.  
>  
> 
> Love you all,  
> Better Than Chocolate

## Part 1

29th April 2019  
Alec was resting his forehead on his arms. He was beyond exhausted. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept. Or ate. Or did anything apart from breaking, from falling apart.

He looked over to his side, the double window allowed him to have a glance at his reflection. He looked awful. His hair was a mess, not the usual mess, this was beyond that. He didn’t know if it was due to the neon lights lighting up the room, or it was the sad reality, but his skin looked pale to the point where he looked sick. The dark circles under his eyes were creating an even unhealthier contrast with his white skin. He lost weight. His once well-defined jaw was now sharp, almost in an unnatural way. 

All in all, he looked miserable, which exactly how he felt. 

The door opened and he looked at the man stepping into the room. He was tall with dark skin and very short black hair. He was well built, a typical cop. 

“Hello. I’m Luke Garroway from NYPD. You must be Alexander Gideon Lightwood.” He said before sitting down, taking a look in his files. 

“Lightwood-Bane.” He corrected him with a narrow look. He could feel how his heart shattered as his name left his mouth. It made the weight constantly sitting on his chest even worse, the lump in his throat grew bigger, making it even harder to breath. 

“Yes, I am sorry.” The man said with a nod and Alec could see in his eyes that, he indeed meant it. 

“I thought Alderte was dealing with the case.” Alec said after a few seconds. Even though it was a statement, he meant it as a question. 

“Was. After how he tried to make you take the blame for it, he was taken off the case.” Garroway said, clearing his throat. Alec almost shivered in relief. The last thing he needed was to be accused. 

“So, you don’t think I did it?” Alec asked, the questioning and uncertainty was now crystal clear in his voice. 

“No, I don’t think you kidnapped your husband.” 

“And y-“ Alec started but he was cut off before he could actually form his next question. 

“We don’t know if Mr Bane-Lightwood is still alive, there was no body or enough evidence found that he is dead. Until we are not 100% sure that your husband is dead, we will do everything in our power to locate him and bring him home.” The man said with confidence and determination in his voice. His eyes didn’t leave Alec’s while he talked and for the first time, Alec felt the spark of hope returning to him from somewhere far, far away. 

“I didn’t kill my husband; I didn’t kill Magnus.” Alec said, the words only leaving his lips as a whisper, a silent plea. 

“I know you didn’t Mr Lightwood-Bane.” 

“Alec.” He said quickly. He didn’t want to stick to formalities, especially not with the man who seems to believe him. 

“I know you didn’t Alec. But you might as well be the only person who could help us to find him.” Luke said as he flipped open his files. 

“I’ll do anything. Anything to get him home.” Alec said, trying to sound strong and determined, but the last couple of days have took a toll on him. 

“Let’s start then. I know you have told everything to my colleague before, but I need to hear them again. Maybe there is something else you remember, something you forgot or didn’t think it was important or relevant. 

“Mr Garroway. My husband has been missing for four days, I told everything I knew and there is nothing more I can remember. I thought you would try to find him, but now I feel like I am being interrogated, again!” The tension in Alec’s voice was just as obvious as it was in his posture. He was annoyed, frustrated and angry. They spent hours, asking him questions, asking the same damn thing over and over again. He told them everything and anything he knew and he almost ended up being charged with kidnapping and killing his husband. 

“I understand Alec. I really do. I know you feel like that this is a waste of time, an unnecessary step in the investigation, but it is vital. It is more important than you would think. We can’t go out and start to look into every house and building in New York, not even in Brooklyn. We need to find something, anything to begin with. The slightest thread can point us to the right way.” The man said, leaning slightly closer to Alec as he spoke. He didn’t sound annoyed or impatient. On the contrary, his voice was soothing and calming, trying to make Alec understand that the more he knows the better their chances of finding Magnus. 

“What do you want to know?” Alec asked, running his fingers through the lock of his black hairs. He tried not to wince when one of his long fingers got tangled in his hair. Not brushing your hair for days has its downside for sure. 

“Can you tell me about the first time you met Magnus Bane, currently known as Magnus Bane-Lightwood?” 

Alec took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to remember back to that day. It was a good while ago, but he remembered it very vividly, as if it would have been just yesterday, they first met. 

_8th March 2013_

_“Izzy, god stop it! My hair is fine just the way it is. In case you forgot, Jace is the one who is obsessed with putting everything into his hair, not me.” Alec said as he pushed his sister’s hand away from his hair. His hair was already bad, he didn’t want to imagine what it would look like if Izzy manages to put spray or gel on it. It wouldn’t last anyway, so he might as well spare himself from the suffer._

_“Man, your bed head is fine as it is, but it wouldn’t hurt to look decent one in a while.” Jace said as he walked into the bathroom, taking the spray out of Izzy’s hand and emptying its entire content on his blonde hair._

_Alec grimaced as the strong smell hit him, filling up his nostrils and throat. He could feel the bitter taste on his tongue as he inhaled more and more in while he desperately tried to escape._

_“Remind me not to use open fire around you, unless I want you to catch on fire.” He muttered through his teeth as he waved around his face frantically._

_“Ha fucking ha.” Jace said as he carefully combed through his hair._

_“Boys..play nice with each other.” Izzy chimed in, who was currently applying red lipstick, seemingly unbothered by Jace’s action._

_“Where are we going again?” Alec asked, watching the two of them getting ready while casually leaning against the doorway._

_“Simon and his band officially signed off the contracts with their new manager, so he wanted us to celebrate.” She said while pushing her lips together a few times, making a popping sound._

_“I know why we are going; I was asking where.” Alec said with an eyeroll. He heard at least a thousand times this week about Simon’s bands and their break through into the music industry._

_“Pandemonium, you call it. It’s in Brooklyn.” Izzy said as she turned around facing Alec._

_“I never heard of it, is it new?” Alec asked furrowing._

_“Brother dearest.. not to offend you, but with the lack of social life, I would be more surprised if you would have heard of the place.” Izzy said with a beaming smile and Alec moved his hand to give Izzy the middle finger._

_She only laughed at him before adding. “It’s not new. I’ve been there before, it’s actually a pretty good one. Very popular and usually hard to get in.”_

_“I like it already.” Alec said in the most sarcastic tone he could manage while faking an equally sarcastic smile._

_“Is it possible to get de-adopted?” Jace asked as he passed Izzy, making all of them smiling. This time, genuinely._

_Izzy’s vague description of the place was somehow fitting. The place was indeed very popular, if only judging by the size of the line swirling around the entrance. He muttered a curse under his breath, regretting straight away for letting Izzy to convince him that he won’t need his leather jacket. It wasn’t cold really but standing outside for ours didn’t seem to be appealing in a button up._

_His grim thoughts must have been displayed on his face because Izzy rolled his eyes as he looked at him._

_“You two are pathetic.” She said and confidently walked towards the VIP entrance. She was wearing a tight red dress with impossible high heeled stilettos, her hair down in soft waves were slightly moving around her as she walked._

_Alec and Jace exchanged a knowing look. Isabella Lightwood was often underestimated; however, she was a woman of power. She always got what she wanted, whenever she wanted it._

_Therefor, Alec wasn’t surprised when the bouncer let them in after Izzy whispered something to him and Alec only hoped that her sister got in because they were meant to get in, and not because she flirted their ways into the club. It wouldn’t be the first time._

_Alec nodded awkwardly as he passed the guy at the door before stepping into the club._

_`The change in the air was instant. The cold, fresh air that filled his lungs outside was replaced by warm, suffocating, oxygen deprived air. He felt the urge to turn around and leave but as he looked at Jace who just shook his head carefully, trying to supress a smirk as if he read Alec’s mind._

_He sighed and walked in, following Izzy with the hope that the night will magically turn a 180 degree at some point._

_They walked to the VIP area where, despite the low lights and general darkness, Alec could easily spot something bright and orange. Clary. Jace’s current love interest. He wasn’t entirely sure if they dated or still circled around each other but the sexual tension between the two of them was just as suffocating as the air inside._

_“Hey guys. Gosh, I’m so happy you all here. I was so excited to finally celebrate our band’s success. I was telling Clary all about it, but now that you are all here I can tell you guys too. I still can’t believe it, it’s like my biggest dream came true. Well my biggest dream is to meet the Avengers or Luke Skywalker but-“_

_“Who invited the guy?” Alec asked frowning as he looked at Simon. He watched as the guy’s eyes widen in shock before the familiar sight of disappointment appears. He heard Izzy hissing at him and saw how Jace bit into his lip to stop himself from laughing._

_“I’m kidding. Congrats for you. I know you will rock it.” Alec said with a smile, showing that he was only mocking, earning a relieved sigh from Simon as he giggled._

_Izzy sent him a tankful look as she made his way towards Simon and Clary to give them a tight hug. Speaking of which, if Clary and Jace were insufferable around each other, Izzy and Simon would need a new definition to describe their relationship._

_It was understandable that it took them some time to get together, considering how different they are, but Alec never saw Izzy waiting this long before making a move. Normally if she liked someone, she only needed a few weeks at most to make her intentions obvious, but with Simon it’s been going on for years. They both dated others during this time which only confused Alec even more._

_The night started off relatively lightly. They chatted, they drank, they danced and laughed. Even Alec enjoyed the time with the others, although he was very reluctant to live the comfort of the booth. Sitting in the VIP area and having fun was one thing, but going onto the dance floor and.. nevermind. The word dancefloor and fun wouldn’t turn up in the same sentence. Not for him at least._

_He watched the others making their way into the crowd to dance or whatever they were doing. Jace moved in a very odd way, it looked like some mating ritual, rather than dancing. He tapped his foot to the beat as he held onto his drink._

_He could feel the alcohol making his mind a bit fuzzy. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just numbing. His gaze hoovered over the crowd, trying to spot Izzy or Jace but it was too dark and too crowded for him to be able to differentiate the sea of bodies. He blinked a few times before he realised that someone was blocking his view._

_“Well, hello pretty boy. May I join?” A smooth voice asked, and Alec snapped his head up to see who the voice belonged to._

_He wanted to blame the alcohol for his extremely, almost awkwardly, long reaction time that it took him to reply._

_The man was stunning. He was very..eye catching. For the lack of better words. He was dressed elegantly but there was a hint of sexiness in the way he left the top few buttons undone, revealing some dark smooth skin and a bunch of necklaces._

_He couldn’t see much of his trousers, but they seemed tight enough to leave little to nothing to the imagination. His eyes moved to his hand; the man was holding a glass. He spotted numerous rings on his fingers and painted nails._

_“Hmm?” The man tilted his head slightly, waiting for Alec to sat something. He wore make up, he couldn’t tell much due to the darkness, but he was positive that the man had his eyes lined. His eyes were beautiful. A bit exotic, a bit feline. Beautiful._

_He cleared his throat before speaking._

_“Yes, sure. I’m Alec.” He said as he motioned to the guy to take a seat at the other side of the table, opposite to him._

_“I’m Magnus. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said with a smile that made Alec’s mind go fuzzy again, this time however, he couldn’t blame the alcohol._

“So, you met in a club?” Luke asked and Alec nodded as he returned to the present. 

“We talked that night and exchanged numbers. We didn’t meet after that for a while. I was busy with everything, I was moving to my own place at that time and he was away for business. 

“When did you meet again?” 

_27th April 2013_

_Alec ran up and down in his apartment as he tried to locate his phone. He could hear the buzz as it rand but it wasn’t loud enough to determine the exact whereabouts of it._

_He finally found it under a pile of clothes. He was panting and his face was flushed as he threw himself onto the couch, taking a glimpse on the screen._

_Magnus_

_His eyebrows raised in surprise and almost forgot to swipe it to answer._

_“Halo?” He asked and he hoped he didn’t sound like someone who just ran a damn marathon._

_“Alexander. Hello. It’s Magnus.” The man said, his voice sounded happy._

_“Hey, yes, how are you?” Alec asked as he shifted on the couch, tugging one of his legs under himself to get more comfortable._

_“I am very well, thank you very much. I’m finally back to New York. I was wondering if I could invite for a drink?” Alec could tell that the man was smiling by just the tone of his voice._

_“Yes. I would love to.” He said way too quickly, way too eagerly._

_The other man let out a laugh on the other end of the phone and Alec closed his eyes, letting the humiliation to flow over him as he waited for the man to calm down._

“I assume you went over to him.” Luke said as he scribbled down something onto his notepad. 

“I did. We had a few drinks and ordered some take out. We started to see each other more and more and by summer, we were dating officially and exclusively. 

“How long have you been married for?” 

“We got married two years ago in 2017. It was a spring wedding.” Alec said and tried not to think back on the memory. It hurt already to think about the start of their relationship, he didn’t feel strong enough to dive back into everything. 

“How long have you been engaged for, before the wedding?” 

“We got engaged in 2015, New Years Eve. So, it was a year and a bit before we tied the knot.” 

“Could you give me the names of the guests who attended the wedding?” 

“It was a very… private ceremony, with only close friends and family.” Alec said as he thought about the people, they shared the special moment with. He offered to write it down for Luke and the man gave him a pen and a piece of paper. 

“Is that it?” The man asked as he ran over the names. 

“Yes.” Alec nodded, he made sure to include everyone. 

“Which one of these are your friends or family?” Luke asked as he looked back at Alec. 

“All of them.” Alec said with a shrug. It was really a small wedding; they didn’t invite anyone outside of the closer circle. 

“No, I meant, which are these people would be your friends and which are the ones who attended through Magnus?” Luke corrected himself, explaining his question to Alec a bit more clearly. 

“They.. they are all mine.” Alec said again. He thought of each person who attended the wedding and he knew all of them before meeting Magnus. They all met Magnus through him. 

“Did Magnus invite any of his friends or family?” Luke asked, and for the first time Alec could see something in his expression that could have been surprise. 

“He didn’t have a family. His parents died when he was a kid.” Alec said sternly. Family was always a touchy subject; Magnus didn’t really talk about his mother or father and Alec never pushed him. 

“What about friends?” 

“He said he didn’t have any friends. He was always busy with work and didn’t have much time.” Alec said and tried to supress his nerves. It sounded lame, saying out those words loudly. 

“So.. you are saying that Magnus didn’t have a family or friends at all.” Alec just stared into the air in front of him, his brain working hard as he tried to recall any name ever coming up between them. Anyone Magnus talked about. 

“No.” He said as he looked at Luke. 

“Alec.. everyone has friends. They might live far away in a different state, or even in a different country..but everyone has at least one friend.” Luke said burrowing his brows and Alec didn’t know what to say because it was true. Even he had friends of his own, there is no way that Magnus, such a friendly, extrovert person had no one at all. 

“I..I don’t know. He..he never talked about anyone.” He stuttered and suddenly felt very odd and uncomfortable. Magnus often talked about work, things he did, but he never mentioned anyone by name. No one that Alec could remember. Not even his work colleagues. Why not? Why would he never talk about them? Why did he never ask Magnus? 

“I think we should take a break. What do you think?” Luke asked, his features softened as he looked at Alec and he only nodded in response, not being able to form a proper answer. How could he ignore the fact that Magnus never talked about anyone to him? They talked about anything and everything. Magnus visited many countries during the years and he always had a bunch of stories to share with Alec but now that he thought about, he never mentioned anyone accompanying him. He surely often talked in first person plural, saying ‘we did this’ or ‘we went here’ or ‘we were’ but he never actually said who was the other person or persons making that ‘I’ into a ‘we’. 

Alec took the offered coffee and had a small sip. It was bitter but he wasn’t sure whether it was the lack of sugar or his own mouth that made it taste that way. 

“Let’s focus on something else, shall we?” Luke asked as he placed his piping hot cup of coffee on the table. 

Alec nodded as he touched the rim of his own cup, his fingertip barely touching. 

“What is Magnus like? As a person?” Luke asked and intervened his fingers as he placed his arms on the table. He didn’t hold onto his pain this time. 

“He is.. he is quite magical. He has this very.. unique personality. He is friendly and charming. Always the centre of attention. Everyone likes him. He is always there to listen; he cares about the people he loves. He was supporting Clary, my brother’s girlfriend, when she finally got a gallery to display her paintings. Magnus helped her to set up everything. Then there is Simon, my sister’s husband. He used to play in a band and now he is a manager. Magnus often help him to attend smaller gigs to see if there is any gem hiding in a club with a voice or talent that had to be shared with the world. He is smart and intelligent. There is no topic or discussion he couldn’t add to or wouldn’t have an opinion on. Not in the smart ass way, but more in an experienced way.. you know? I don’t know if it comes with age or just general life experience..” Alec said as he focused his gaze on Luke’s mug. It was true. Magnus was special. He was everything Alec could ever ask for. 

“What about relationship wise?” 

“He is the best husband anyone could ever have. We rarely argue or fight. He is very loving and caring. He makes me happy and loved..and I can only hope he feels the same way.” Alec said, chocking on the words as he spoke. There was a slight voice in the back of his mind. A mean voice, whispering that maybe he will never have the chance to tell that to him. 

“He indeed, sounds like a great man.” Luke said with sympathy. 

“He is. The best.” 

“We will find him.” The man said and Alec bit his lip. It sounded like a promise. He can’t possibly promise it to Alec. He can’t know. He can only hope.. and that he did with every part of him.


	2. 2

Alec dropped his keys onto the kitchen worktop. He watched them sliding across due to the force of his movement. He heard the door closing behind him with a soft thud.

There was silence. 

There was darkness. 

There was emptiness. 

Not just in their home, but in his heart too. 

He did come home to an empty house every now and on, when Magnus was busy with work or hanging out with others, but it never felt like this. It never felt so strange. Like he walked into someone’s else home. 

He sighed as he shrugged his jacket off and hung it up by the door. 

When Magnus went missing, he spent the first day looking for him everywhere. They were both off for a week, Magnus’ office was closed due to refurbishing, so the phone went to voicemail straightaway when he tried to ring it, in case he went in for something. 

He didn’t get home till 9 and he remembered how nervous, desperate and hopeful he was when he walked in. 

He hoped to find Magnus sitting on the couch with some cheap takeaway, tugged under the blanket with Chairman Meow in his lap, watching Project Runaway. 

Magnus, however, wasn’t at home. There was no note or message left at all. His phone was turned off. He hasn’t been active on any social media platform since the day he disappeared. 

He closed his eyes, breathing through his nose. He let out a shaky breath when he felt something soft pressing to his ankle. He looked down and Chairman Meow looked up at him, letting out an unhappy meow. 

He gulped as he bent down to pick up the cat. He hugged it to his chest as he walked to the couch. 

He tugged his leg under him as he placed the cat on his lap, slowly stroking the soft fur, earning shallow purring. 

“I miss him too.” He whispered into the emptiness as he felt the tears burning his eyes stubbornly. 

He closed his eyes again, letting the tears to escape through his eyelashes, leaving wet traces along his cheek. 

He hoped that if he shuts his eyes tight enough, once he opens them, he wakes up from the nightmare he is in. 

His thoughts betrayed him as they went back to the last day. The last time he saw Magnus. 

“Darling. I run out to get a few things for dinner and some food for the Chairman, do you need anything?” He asked as he put his coat on. 

Alec tilted his head back as he lied on the couch, this way his head was hanging in mid-air, his neck pressed onto the arm of the couch. 

“Ice-cream. I would love some ice-cream.” He said smiling at his husband, who now was up-side down. 

“Anything in particular?” Magnus asked smiling back at him as he walked closer to Alec. 

“That oreo one. That was nice.” He felt the smile spreading wider on his face as Magnus approached him. 

“As you wish. I love you.” Magnus said as he leaned down and pecked a kiss on Alec’s lips. 

“You are spoiling me.” Alec said with a chuckle. 

“Guilty.” Magnus winked before he slipped through the door. For the last time. 

Alec opened his eyes, a sob escaping his lips as he rubbed his face with his shaking hands. 

He never said it back. He was so busy with teasing and flirting that he forgot to say it back. He texted it after a few minutes, but Magnus never even opened it. 

He remembered phoning the police when Magnus didn’t come home by the night. He phoned everyone he could before turning to the police, but no one saw or talked to Magnus. 

He remembered how annoyed and frustrated he was when he was told that they can’t do anything in the first 24 hours. 

They took his details and asked him to contact them if anything happens in the meantime. 

Alec spent the entire night awake waiting for the familiar noise of the keys turning in the lock. Waiting for the voice of his husband calling out for him. Waiting for the comforting sound of his footsteps as he walks around the house. 

He tried to call Magnus’ phone at least a million times, but there was no luck. 

He hoped that maybe he went out with someone and they lost track of time, but deep down he knew it wasn’t the case. 

Magnus would never go away for hours without letting Alec know. They were supposed to get dinner together. He would have at least told him if the plan changes. 

He phoned every police department and hospital in case he had an accident but nothing. 

The next day he went into every shop around the block to see if they saw him, but no one remembered anything. 

He just vanished. Disappeared into the thick air. 

There was no trace, no sign. Just the loss, the void he left behind. 

After 24 hours have passed since he last saw Magnus, the police came over to take a statement and all the details. 

_26th April 2019_ _“When was the last time you saw your husband Mr Lightwood-Bane?” The officer, Aldertree, asked and Alec had to think for a second. What time was it.. it was in the early afternoon. He just finished watching-_

_“Yesterday, around 3-3:10. He said he’ll go to the shop to get things for dinner.” Alec said licking his lips._

_“Was there anything odd about his behaviour? Was he nervous? Annoyed? Did he say anything before leaving?” The man asked and Alec had to focus to keep up with the questions._

_“No..no. He was his usual self. He asked me if I needed anything then told me he loved me and went on his way.” He said shaking his head. There was nothing out of ordinary in his behaviour._

_“Did you have any argument recently, a fight maybe?” The man asked and Alec could feel his anger rising._

_“No.” He said as calmly as he could. He was expecting them to ask these questions and the logical side of his brain was aware that these are routine questions._

_“When did you first found it strange that your husband hasn’t returned?”_

_“After he left, my sister texted me and asked me if I could pick her up from work. Her car was playing up lately and she couldn’t get it working so I left a message on the fridge for him, letting him know that I need to pick Izzy.. Isabelle, my sister up and I’ll be home as soon as I can.” He said, motioning towards the fridge with his head._

_“Why not text him?” The man asked with a frown._

_“We do, normally. But sometimes we love to leave notes for each other. It’s more personal than a text.” He said with a shrug. It was true. He found little notes in his lunch bag every now and on and he also left notes for Magnus, in his suit, in his shoes. It was their own thing and they both adored it._

_“When did you get home?”_

_“I ended up being a bit late, Izzy asked me to stay for a coffee, once we got to her house. She told me she was pregnant. She wanted me to know first. Before anyone else. I was happy. I am happy. I ended up staying at hers until late afternoon. I got home around 7. That’s when I realised Magnus, my husband, didn’t get home. I found it strange, since he left hours ago, and no grocery shopping takes this long, not with him anyway. I thought maybe he came home and left again, but no. We ran out of milk and cat food along with other things and he didn’t bring any. He never came home.”_

_His breathing became slightly erratic as he felt the panic raising in him for the hundredth time in the last 24 hours._

_“Could he be at any friends or family?”_

_“I phoned everyone. No one saw him or talked to him.” Alec shook his head._

_“I would need a list of friends and family anyway. Just to double check.” The man said and Alec nodded._

_“This is something we need to ask when such thing happens. Nothing personal about it, but I need to know.” The man started carefully._

_“Anything.” Alec said and he meant it. He was more than willing to tell anything he knew if it helped them to get Magnus home._

_“Is there any chance, that Mr Bane-Lightwood, had an affair?”_

_“Wha..what?” Alec asked and he felt the wooden floor moving under his feet._

_“Did he, by any chance, was having a secret lover?”_

_“No. No. He didn’t. He was either home or working or with friends.” Alec said once he found his voice._

_He asked a number of other questions, Alec answered to each and one of them._

_“We need to take a few items to see if we can find anything. I believe he took his phone with him.”_

_“He did. I phoned him, but his phone is off.”_

_“Any laptop or computer?” The man asked as he made a note._

_“A laptop. Yes.”_

_“May I take it?” The man asked and Alec muttered a quick sure before he disappeared to get Magnus’ laptop from the bedroom._

_“Thank you, Mr Lightwood-Bane.” The officer nodded as he put the laptop into a large see through bag._

_Alec nodded, not trusting his voice. It was all too much._

_“We will contact you as soon as we find anything. In the meantime, here is my number. If there is anything you remember or anything you hear, please call me. Also, if you could please write a list of names, who knew your husband or has been in contact with him in the last six months along with a list of people who could have any ill intentions towards your husband, anyone who had a conflict, a fight or anything with him, no matter how small it was. I need to know about anyone who would want to hurt him.” The man said looking into Alec’s eyes._

_“I will. Thank you.”_

They told him that currently, it is a missing person case and not an abduction as there is no sign of Magnus being forced to leave. They will look for him, but without any trace, it won’t be declared a kidnapping case. 

Alec didn’t know what to think. Why would Magnus leave just like this? Without a word? Without a reason? 

He tried to think about the past few weeks to see if there was anything odd or unusual about his behaviour, but there was nothing out of ordinary. He was charming, loving, witty, funny. He was Magnus. 

There was a knock on his door, and he jolted from the couch so quickly that poor Chairman Meow technically flew off his lap. 

He felt his heart hammering against his ribs so hard he was afraid they would crack. 

His gaze was fixated on the door as he walked over, almost tripping over his shoes. 

“Hey.” Jace said as he looked at Alec. He let out a deep breath. The bitter taste of disappointment tainted his tongue and mouth as he stepped aside to let his brother in. 

“Hi.” 

“I know I’m not who you were expecting. I’m sorry. I just wanted to come over.. to see how you are doing.” 

“I’m doing great.” Alec said as he expanded his arms. 

“Alec..” 

“No, really. My life is.. perfect.” He spat bitterly. “My husband went missing days ago..he fucking left me. An officer tried to pull the blame on me, accusing me that maybe I had a bit more to do with his disappearance than what I admit.. what a wonderful fucking life I live.” He said angrily as he walked into the living room. 

“Alec I know-“ 

“Now do you Jace? Do you really?! You have no idea, what it’s like. He is gone Jace. I don’t knowo where he is. I don’t know if he is alive or if he is lying in a ditch somewhere, dead. I don’t know if I will ever see him again.” He shouted at Jace, giving out every anger, every frustration he was bottling up in the past few days. 

He expected Jace to leave him, to walk out on him, but instead he walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“I am so scared..” He whispered as he felt the tears striking in his eyes. 

“I know.. I know buddy.” Jace said in a soothing voice, rubbing his back and Alec let it out. 

He cried loudly, body shaking, throat hurting. He was done pretending being strong. He was broken, he was terrified.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know. It's terribly short.  
> Almost in an awkward way.  
> But i promise this is the shortes i ever wrote and the coming ones are longer.  
> Peace.

_27th April 2019_   
_“Alec. Thank you for coming in.” Officer Aldertree said as he opened the door for Alec. He looked serious and distanced compared to their first meeting._

_He walked in and took a seat at the opposite side of the table._

_He sent the list of friends and family in the morning and he got a call at four in the afternoon that they have a few questions they need to ask him._

_“Did you find anything?” Alec asked, hoping that maybe someone forgot something, that maybe someone knew something. Anything._

_“That’s why I called you here actually. The thing is.. we didn’t find anything. Literally.”_

_The man turned a laptop.. Magnus’ laptop around so now, Alec was looking at the screen._

_“I don’t understand.” He said confusedly._

_“There are no documents, no files, no pictures on this laptop. Not a single thing.”_

_It took a few moments for Alec to remember._

_“He got a virus. He told me the day before he went missing, that he managed to get some virus and no program could kill it, so he re-set the system. I assume it deleted everything. I completely forgot about it.”_

_“You forgot about it.”_

_“Well.. I technically didn’t know that he already done the re-set. It’s not like I would ask him.” He shrugged. He didn’t care that much about it, he told Magnus to install an anti-virus program a million times, but he never listened._

_“You know Alec.. it’s a bit convenient. Whatever he had on the laptop is now gone.”_

_“How could that be convenient?”_

_“If there was something on the laptop, that wasn’t for anyone to see, a re-set could have got rid of any evidence. It’s irreversible, so there is no risk with it.”_

_“What are you implying?” Alec asked, clenching his jaws in anger._

_“Nothing. But you had 24 hours, to destroy any skeletons in your closet.”_

_“I didn’t touch his laptop. I have nothing to hide.” He gritted through his teeth._

_“That’s what anyone would say.”_

30th April 2019

Alec sucked in the air harshly as he took a gulp from his coffee. It wasn’t as sweet as it was normally. He didn’t put any vanilla into it. It was something Magnus did. Adding something extra to make it special. Without him, no amount of vanilla could make his coffee to taste the same. 

Learning that the initial officer was taken off his case was good. He almost punched the fucking bastard, right there and then on the station when he suddenly started to come up with theories about how Alec made it look like his husband went missing when in reality, it was him who apparently got rid of him for whatever fucking reason. 

He didn’t know if the guy was homophobic or just a dick in general, but it didn’t matter. 

They didn’t have time to waste, especially not with things like interrogating him as a suspect. 

His phone buzzed, bringing him back to reality. He blinked a few times, clearing his mind before checking the screen. 

_Izzy 30/04/19 7:32_

_Call me when you are up, please._

Jace stayed at his for an hour before leaving him. He wasn’t the life of the party in a good day, but on a day like yesterday, he was the Grimm Reaper. 

His finger hoovered over the message. A part of him wanted to reply, saying that he is awake, but another part of him, a currently more dominant one, wanted to be left alone. 

His finger moved on its own before he could have stop it. 

_Hey. You called Magnus Bane-Lightwood, I can’t come to the phone right now; I will call you back later._

He called again and again. He didn’t hope that he would suddenly answer. Not anymore. 

But this was the only way, he could hear his voice again. It was impersonal and lacking his usual tone, but it didn’t matter. All he wanted to hear his voice. 

After spending half an hour listening to his husband’s voice on repeat, he opened Facebook. He didn’t know why, and he regretted it straight away. 

There were a dozen comments and reactions to their photo, the one they uploaded the day before Magnus disappeared. 

He didn’t want to see the photo again or the comments. He couldn’t. 

He logged out from his own profile. 

E-mail: magnus.bane@gmail.com Password: 

Alec stared at the 8 letters. The black ink was sharply standing out against the white background. 

He never really logged into Magnus’ Facebook or Instagram. 

He knew his password for his phone and since he was always logged in automatically, he never really bothered to ask what his password was and that came back now biting him in the ass. 

After a few seconds he tried their anniversary. Nope. 

He tried the date of their engagement. No. 

He tried Magnus’ name then his own and even the Chairman’s. It was very cliché and the chances were low that it would work so he wasn’t disappointed when none of them turned out to be the right one. 

He pressed Forgot password as a lack of better idea. 

Obviously. The new code would be sent to his phone, the phone he didn’t have. 

He let out a frustrated growl, scarring of Chairman who was, until now, lazily grooming himself on the top of the table. 

He never allowed him to jump on the table or on any surface in the kitchen. The fact he did anyway, added to his already existing suspicion, that his husband was spoiling the cat to the moon and back. 

He asked to be verified in a different way. Bingo. They would send an email to the address associated with his account. 

He didn’t know his password for that either, however he added Alec’s email as a secondary email address, which meant that, if he ever needed a new password to log into his email, it would be sent to Alec’s own. 

Getting there. 

After a few minutes he was in Magnus’ email. His inbox was full of spams and adverts. He rolled his eyes. God help anyone who wanted to find anything among those junks. 

He quickly re-set his email and Facebook. 

He tapped his fingers on the table, rather impatiently, while the site loaded. 

After an agonizing half an hour, he was now in Magnus’ Facebook profile. 

He didn’t bother to open the notifications; he went for the messages straightaway. 

He furrowed his brows. There were only 14 contacts in the messenger. Their friends and family. Not a single name he never heard before. 

He opened his friends and to his utter shock, every single friend Magnus had, was the same as Alec’s. He knew every one of them and Magnus met them through him or with him. 

_“Everybody has friends. At least one.”_ Garroway’s words echoed in his mind and he looked at the screen without blinking until it darkened. 

Where were his husband’s friends? 

He logged back into his own and typed into the search bar. 

Magnus Bane 

He raised the phone to his ear as he listened to it ringing out. 

“Alec. Hey. How-“ 

“Izzy. I just logged into Magnus’ Facebook. I wanted to see if he talked to anyone recently. I checked all his friends. I know all of them. There isn’t a single person among his friends or contacts I wouldn’t know. I introduced them to him, or we met them together.” He said almost with one breath. 

“Whoa. Alec. Calm down.” 

“How am I supposed to calm down Izzy? He had no friends.” 

“Alec. Magnus had loads of friends.” Izzy’s voice was calming and reassuring but had absolutely no affect on Alec’s panic. 

“Yes. People he met through me, or people we met together. What about his _own_ friends?” 

“He said he was busy and never had time to meet people because of his work.” 

“What about old friends?” 

“What about them?” 

“That’s precisely my point. I know he was busy, but he still had them. I mean.. how many people do you have on Facebook, you met years ago and haven’t talked since?” 

“Loads. Gosh.. way too much.” 

“You see? I get that they haven’t talked recently, but it’s like they don’t exist.” 

“Maybe he has an old profile. I have an old one as well, back from high school.” 

“Yea, well that’s what I thought too. But there are no one else with the name Magnus Bane.” 

“I don’t know.. I don’t know what to say.” 

“Yeah.. I..I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.” He said and hung up, not waiting for an answer. 

He leaned back in his chair as he stared at the screen. 

Magnus Bane 

**1 result**


	4. 4

He spent an hour thinking about the entire situations, but no matter how hard he tried to find a reason or any logic behind it, there was none. Zero. Null. Nada.

He logged into Magnus’ Instagram, but it was just the same. 

He had a huge number of followers. (Self-note: ask Magnus to post less half naked selfies while doing yoga.) But in terms of the people he followed himself, it was pretty much the same as on Facebook if not less. 

He checked the messages. There was a few between the two of them, and a couple from Izzy and Clary. 

He had at least twenty unread messages from random people. It was either a simple hello or some drooling about how hot he was. (Self-note: maybe convince him to delete Instagram entirely?) 

All in all, he was exactly where he started. Nowhere. Not a step closer to find out anything or to get a hint. 

He poured some cat food into the bowl before he went to get dressed. 

Officer Garroway asked him to see him at the station after lunch. Lunch. The last time he ate was yesterday and it was a single toast. Clearly, he wasn’t the chef in the relationship, but he doubted he could eat a proper meal. His stomach was the size of a pea. 

He stroked Chairman lazily before he left the house. He closed the door and stared at the name tags on the door. He lifted his hand and ran his fingertips over the metallic surface, feeling the letters craved into it. 

_Magnus Bane-Lightwood & Alec Lightwood-Bane_

“Where are you?” He whispered as he felt the familiar pressure in his chest like there was no oxygen left in his lungs. 

He turned around and swallowed his tears before heading to the elevator. 

He drove to the station in silence. They always listened to the radio, Magnus preferred the music in the car and he occasionally even sang along with the radio to Alec’s terror. Magnus was a man of many talents, but he had roughly the same amount of talent for singing as Izzy had for cooking. Which is fuck all. It was terrible. He always mocked him to write it down instead or dance, he doesn’t mind the dust. 

_”HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIMEEEEE!” Magnus sang on the top of his lungs. The song itself was already terrible, but with Magnus adding to it, it was almost unbearable._

_“For god’s sake.. I will. I swear to you I will if you don’t stop.” Alec said laughing._

_“Aleeeec. That was rude. Very rude.” Magnus said with mocking offence._

_“You know what? Then I just get out.” He pointed towards the door._

_“We are going by 70km/h.” Magnus said matter-of-factly as he raised an eyebrow._

_“By this point, death would be a gift.” Alec muttered as he signalled to his left before turning off._

_“And here I was thinking I have at least one fan who loves my voice.” Magnus crossed his arms but Alec saw how his lip twitched almost into a smile._

_“Oh, I am the biggest fan of your voice. When you moan, when you choke on my name. When you scream under me.” Alec said licking his lip, trying to keep his gaze on the road._

_“Alexander! You can’t say things like that while you are driving. Oh god, there must be some empty parking space around here.” He said and looked around quickly._

_Alec let out a laugh before he drove to an abandoned car park._

_He didn’t have time to speak because Magnus pulled him into a heated kiss, undoing his seat belt in a hurry to climb over to Alec and show him how his voice can make him crazy in an entirely different way._

A sound of a honk and screeching tyres pulled him out of his thoughts, and he pressed the breaks. 

He was shaking and his pulse was in the skies as he ran his fingers through his hair, however he wasn’t sure if it was a result of the almost accident or because of the images that appeared in front of his eyes just moments ago. 

“Man, what the fuck?” The man asked angrily as he walked to Alec’s car. He let down the windows with shaky hands. 

“So..sorry.” He said as he buried his face in his hands. 

“Are you alright?” He asked hastily as he looked at Alec. He definitely looked like a mess. 

“Yeah. I’m so sorry.” 

“No sweat. Just.. be careful. It could have been ugly. No one got injured and you didn’t actually crash into me, so no harm done.” The man said shrugging. Alec just nodded before he apologised again and thanked the man. 

He drove to the station without any problem and he tried not to think much while driving. 

Once he got there, Garroway was already waiting for him. 

“Hey Alec. Anything to drink? Coffee?” The man asked as he waved for Alec to follow him. 

“Hi. No, I’m good. Thanks.” He said as he followed the man into one of the rooms. 

“Right. So. I had a look at the names and contacted them. No one has spoken to him since his disappearance. I asked them if they found anything odd or strange about his behaviour or if he said anything about someone or something bothering him, but no one noticed anything out of ordinary. They pretty much said the same as you did. He was a great guy, always there for others.” The man said and looked at Alec with raised brows. 

“Yes, well, Magnus was almost always in a good mood. He never mentioned anything to me that worried him.” 

“What about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Did you have any issues with anyone recently? A conflict with a friend or family member? Some flare-up with colleague?” 

“No, not really.” 

“Not really? Even the smallest argument can mean something.” 

“I had some disagreement with one of the guys at work, but it was over something silly and we got it all sorted within an hour.” 

“What’s his name?” Luke asked and Alec saw how his fingers clenched around his pen. 

“Raj.” He said biting his lip. He felt bad about dragging Raj into this, but he didn’t want to lie about anything, when Magnus’ life was at risk. 

“He was on your list, wasn’t he?” Luke asked as he dig out the paper from the stack. 

“Yes.” Alec nodded. 

“Great. I will call him once we are done here. Don’t worry. I just want to make sure that no one in your close circle has anything to do with his disappearance. “ 

“Do you think that someone could be behind it? A friend or family member?” Alec asked with his eyes widened. He couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt them. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. But if it is someone close to you, I will find out.” He said and Alec was grateful. He was so thankful that Luke was really doing everything he could. 

“Thank you so much. For not thinking he ran off with someone.. or if you do.. then thanks for not rubbing it in my face.” He said. 

“I can only imagine what it must feel like..going through this. I want to help.” 

“Thank you. Is there anything else?” Alec asked as he shifted position. 

“I would need his work address and telephone number. It wasn’t on the list.” He said. 

“Oh yes. I was actually about to go there tomorrow, to see if anyone talked to him or if they heard about him. Is..is that okay?” He asked, suddenly unsure. He didn’t want to jeopardize the pending investigation by getting involved. 

“I don’t mind if you ask them if they saw him or heard about him, but I will need to contact everyone who works with him or could get in contact with him to ask them a few questions.” 

“Sure. I write it down for you.” He said and quickly wrote down the name and address of the company along with the phone number. He had to look it up, since he left the note at home, the one he got from Magnus before. 

“Perfect. Thanks Alec. For now, that’s it. I will contact you if we find anything. You got my number, right?” He asked as he started to put the files away. 

“Yes. I’ll call you if anything happens.” Alec assured him as he raised from his seat and shook his hand. 

“Good.” The man said as he walked him out. 

He had a few texts, one from Clary, one from Simon and one from Izzy. They were generally asking him to phone them if he needs anything. Izzy tried to reassure him, that having no friends on social media isn’t the end of the world but Alec ignored it for now. 

The traffic was hectic. Trying to get from Brooklyn to Manhattan at rush hour was the wort idea ever. He had three strokes during the journey. He fucking hated people. He was sure that half of the drivers either stole their license or they bought it. 

“Hey.” He nodded towards Underhill as he walked into the tall building. 

He was supposed to return to work tomorrow, but he wanted to take time off from work. He didn’t know how long he had to stay away from the office, but there was no way he could work. Not while Magnus was gone. Not until he found him. 

“Have you seen Aline?” He asked the blonde man, hoping he would know where to look for her. 

“I think she is on a meeting right now. Should finish in a few minutes though. Do you want to..grab a coffee maybe?” The man asked and Alec spotted the pity on his face. 

“I’m good thanks. I’ll wait for her in her office.” He said quickly but sternly. The last thing he needed was someone to ask him how he is doing or tell him that he is here if he needs someone to talk to. He knew they were friends and that the man had good intentions, but Alec didn’t need any of it right now. All he needed was to talk to Aline about his time off and to go home. 

He walked to the office on the back of the corridor and decided to wait for her inside, avoiding anyone to approach him. 

Once inside the room, he walked to the window and looked at the city. It was late afternoon. 

Alec watched the cars, buses and taxis moving quickly. He watched the lights turning from one colour to another. 

The city felt so alive. As always. People moved around with their lives. They went to work, home, to friends. 

He loved how pulsing New York was. The city that never sleeps. He loved the constant noise surrounding him, no matter where he was or what time it was. 

Right now, however it made him feel uncomfortable. He watched everything moving and changing, yet he felt as if he was stuck in one place. Nothing was moving. There were no lights, just darkness. 

He felt as if he was watching everything through a window, and not in the literal sense, since he was actually watching the city through the large windows of the office. There was a glass separating him from the world at all times. A window that stood between him and everyone else. Like he was in his own personal cell. 

He couldn’t get out of it. He could have tried to scream or shout to see if anyone hears him or notices how badly stuck, he was, but deep down he knew the only person he wanted to break that glass was the person who put it there at the first place. 

Without Magnus, nothing was the same. 

He could have eaten the same food, drink the same drinks, watch the same movies, visit the same places but they lost their meanings. They weren’t the same without him and this feeling was so foreign to him, he couldn’t imagine getting used to it. 

“Alec.” Alec jumped as he heard Aline calling out for him. He turned around and shoot a weak smile towards her. 

“Hey.” He said as she came closer and gave him a hug. He hugged her back but there was not much soul put into his action. 

“Hey. I heard what happened. I.. I don’t know what to say.” She said and Alec shrugged. 

“There isn’t much you could say and there is nothing you could say that I haven’t heard before..so don’t bother. I just came to ask for time off.” He said and Aline nodded, clearly understanding his reasons. 

“Of course. Don’t worry. We can manage without you. Take as much time as you need. And just so you know, you can come in at any time if you need something to take your mind off..everything.” She said and Alec was grateful for it. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.” He nodded as he passed her to leave her office. 

“I’m sorry.” She added quickly. His hand was gripping the door knob as he tried to hold onto his dear life. He closed his eyes for a second and replied over his shoulder, not turning back. 

“Me too Aline, me too.” He said before stepping out of the room that suddenly, despite its huge window, became suffocating and so, so tiny. 

***

After he spent the entire night tossing and turning, he got out of bed just after seven, giving up on having any sleep. 

He poured some coffee for himself as he hushed the cat off the kitchen worktop. 

Out of habit, he called Magnus’ phone again. He checked his recent calls. He called Magnus over a hundred times since he went missing. He wondered if anyone ever going to pick up the phone. 

He pushed himself away from the worktop and dig out an empty notebook to make some notes for himself. 

He wanted to keep track of everything that’s been going on so far. In this way, he can remember everything without forgetting anything. 

25th April – 3:00-3:10 Last seen Magnus  
25th April – 7:00ish realised Magnus hasn’t been home  
26th April – reported Magnus as a missing person  
27th April – being interrogated by an enormous dickhead in case I killed my own husband  
29th April – Garroway took over the case from Aldertree (thank fuck)  
30th April – checked Magnus’ media profiles for any clue. NOTHING  
1st May – go into his office in case anyone knows anything  


He stared at his list for a few minutes. Magnus have been missing for a week now and he has nothing. Not a single information about his husband or where he could be or what could’ve happened to him. He wanted to pull his hair out and scream in frustration. 

Before he could have done any of those he jumped up, put some clothes and his jacket on and rushed out of the house. 

He will go crazy if he doesn’t do something. 

The drive to Magnus’ workplace was definitely quicker than to his own, considering that Magnus was working in a building located in Brooklyn. 

The building looked the same as always. He met Magnus for lunch a good couple of times. It was almost weird that he came here, and his husband wasn’t standing in front of the building, waiting for him eagerly with a huge smile on his face. 

He took a deep breath and walked towards the front door before his memories could get a hold of him. 

He never actually been inside the building, so he couldn’t tell the difference. If they changed anything it looked good. The furniture looked clean and modern. Everything was glossy and shiny, and Alec almost felt awkward as he walked in wearing jeans with combat boots and leather jacket. Not even mentioning his messy hair that had this ‘I just rolled out of bed’ vibe to it. 

He walked to the reception desk, quickly trying to comb through his hair with his fingers to look at least a tiny bit more decent. A woman was sitting behind the desk, quickly typing away something. Alec cleared his throat when he realised that the woman either didn’t notice him or didn’t acknowledged his presence. 

“Hello. May I help you?” The woman looked up and gave Alec a quick glance in a slightly degrading way. He almost rolled his eyes at the woman. Magnus never mentioned that their receptionist was such a stuck-up bitch. 

“Hello. Ehm.. I don’t know if you can help me, but I hope so. I was looking to know if my husband Magnus was in recently?” He asked and he licked his lips nervously. 

“I’m sorry, who?” The woman asked frowning. 

“Magnus, Magnus Bane-Lightwood.” Alec added quickly. He didn’t think the name Magnus was that common, but he should have addressed him by his full name regardless. 

“I’m sorry, just give me a moment please.” The woman said, her eyes not leaving Alec’s gaze for a second, before getting up and walking to a man standing a few feet away. 

The man looked as someone who was working in a manager position or even in a higher one. 

The woman leaned close to him and discreetly whispered something to him before looking towards Alec. 

He shifted from one foot to another and supressed the sudden urge to hide his hands in the pocket of his jackets. He looked like a jerk; he didn’t need to act like one as well. 

The man looked at the woman with a frown before asking her something which the woman only replied by shaking her head. 

The man nodded and left the receptionist as he walked to Alec. 

“Good morning sir.” The man said politely. 

“Good morning.” _Good my ass_ he added in his thoughts. He felt a bit frustrated by having to make such a fuss about his inquiry. 

“If I am correct, you are looking for a certain Mr Bane-Lightwood?” The man asked. 

“Yes. I..I was asking if he, my husband, has been in recently. I know you had a refurbishing going on, but just in case he came-“ 

“I’m sorry. Did you say refurbishing?” The man asked and he looked extremely confused by this point. 

“Yeah. The last week?” Alec asked and an uncomfortable feeling started to slowly creep up in his guts. 

“I’m sorry. You must have been misinformed, but we had no refurbishing going on recently.” 

Did he really misunderstand something? Was Magnus talking about another time perhaps? 

“Doesn’t matter.” He said with a wave, not caring about that right now. “Has he been in?” 

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any Mr Bane-Lightwood at the company.” The man said and Alec was certain he heard that wrong. 

“Of..of course you do. Magnus. Magnus Bane. Bane-Lightwood. He works at the international case department.” 

“Mr…” 

“Mr Lightwood-Bane.” Alec said quickly. 

“Mr Lightwood-Bane. We don’t have an international case department. We don’t have any Magnus Bane or Bane-Lightwood working for this firm. We never did.” The man said and Alec felt the entire world shifting around him, he felt as his heart left his body. His head was spinning, and he couldn’t hear anything apart from a loud buzz in his ears as he muttered an ‘excuse me’ to the man, before marching out of the building. 

Magnus never worked here.  
Magnus was lying to him the entire time. 

Where did he go when he said he was working?  
Where did he get his money from?  
_Why did he lie?_


	5. 5

Alec was sitting in his car, zoomed out, eyes fixed on a point only he could see.

His head was throbbing with a killer headache as hundreds of questions screamed in his thoughts. 

He was confused. He was so fucking confused. 

He let out a scream. It was full of frustration, pain and despair. He didn’t know what to do. What to think. 

He started the engine as he quickly pressed Izzy’s name in his contacts. 

“Alec. Hi.” She answered the phone within seconds. 

“Hi. Are you at home?” He asked as he pulled out from his spot and changed the gear. 

“Yes. Are you alright?” Alec could hear the worry in her voice as she spoke. 

“No. I am not. Could you call Jace to yours? I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He said. He knew his voice was full of dispense and that he was acting cryptic, but it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss over the phone or twice for that matter. 

“Sure. I’ll call him. I see you in a bit.” She said and hang up. If one thing he adored in Izzy, it was the fact that she knew very well when to push and when not to. 

He drove to her house. His whole body was tense. The muscles in his back hurt, his jaws were pressed together in a painful manner and he was afraid he will explode in any second. 

By the time he got there, Jace’s motorbike was already parked up along the curb. 

He shot his door forcefully before he marched to the main door, almost running. 

Izzy must have been watching him from inside because the door opened before he got the chance to knock. 

She opened it and stepped to the side to allow him to get in further. 

“Are Simon and Clary here?” He looked around before he walked into the living room. 

Jace and Izzy exchanged a quick look before answering. 

“You sounded really nervous on the phone, so I asked Simon to go and catch up with Clary.” Izzy said sheepishly. Alec felt a sting of guilt in his heart as he practically kicked out Simon from his own home, but he had more serious things on his list to worry about. 

“Okay.” He breathed out as he stood opposite to Jace and Izzy who were sitting on the couch. 

“Buddy..what’s going on?” Jace asked quietly after a few seconds of silence. He was always the one who had the tendency to talk when everyone else was too afraid to do so. 

“I… went to Magnus’ workplace to see if.. anyone saw him or talked to him. Or to see if he was in the office by any chance.” He said slowly, avoiding his siblings gaze as he talked. 

“Oookay.. and?” Jace said with a nod, clearly wanting to hear the point of it all. 

“And..” Alec said taking a deep breath to calm himself or to supress the shakiness of his voice. “It turned out that Magnus.. he was lying.” 

“What?” Izzy asked as he shifted on the couch, she frowned at Alec. 

“They don’t have a Magnus working for them. They never did. He lied to me. He never worked there.” Alec said as he looked at his siblings. He hoped to see some realisation on their faces or shock, but they looked still confused. 

“What do you mean he never worked there? We met him there for lunch before.” Jace said and Izzy quickly nodded, clearly thinking of the same. 

“I have no fucking idea why or how that turned out, but he wasn’t working there.” 

“Did you not meet him there before?” Izzy asked. 

“I did, but I never went inside.” Alec said. 

“Why not?” 

“Because he..he was always waiting for me outside. Any time we agreed to meet for lunch, he was already outside.” He said, licking his lips. 

“And did you not find that strange? That he was always standing outside, and you never saw him coming out or going in?” Jace asked this time and he tried to catch Alec’s gaze. He knew he didn’t mean any harm by asking it but he felt so fucking lame in that moment. 

Alec felt his throat clenching and the pressure setting on his chest. He was about to cry. 

“I..I always thought.. that..that he was..” Tears appeared in his eyes as he talked, he tilted his head down so his siblings wouldn’t see him falling apart. “I always thought he was too excited, happy to see me, that he couldn’t wait.” He confessed almost as a whisper. 

He felt so naïve. So stupid. So blind. So hurt.. 

“Oh Alec..” Izzy said and the next moment he felt her arms wrapping around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. 

“I have to go.” He said sternly and gently peeled his sister’s arm from around him. 

“Don’t.. you shouldn’t be alone now.” Izzy said and Alec discovered some tears in her eyes as she almost begged. 

“Well I am alone. Because my husband.. who by the way, lied to me for years…fucked off from the surface Earth.” He said expanding his arms in a ‘guess what’ way before he walked out of the house, 

He spent hours driving around. He didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t even care. 

If he could have, he would have drove out of the fucking world. 

***

By the time he got home it was after lunch, coming up to 1:30.

He hissed at the cat who was meowing on the top of the table. Magnus was really taking it easy with the rules. He reminded himself to address the issue to him once he is found, right after he killed him for lying for him. 

He didn’t even bother to take his jacket off. He walked to the fridge and ripped of the phone number from the fridge and dialled Garroway’s number. 

“Officer Garroway.” The man answered the phone in a formal manner. 

“Hello. It’s Alec.” 

“Alec. Hey, is everything okay? Did you find out something?” 

“I did actually. I went to my husband’s work place as I said I would.. and..it turned out he didn’t work there.” 

“What?” The man asked and Alec couldn’t really blame him for being surprised. 

“Yeah. He never did. He lied to me.” Alec said and hoped his voice didn’t sound as hurt as he was. 

“That’s.. unexpected.” The man said after a few seconds. Alec, personally, would have used a different word to describe it, but he assumed that as an officer a ‘that’s fucking unbelievable’ wasn’t in the options. 

“That’s a way to say it I guess.” 

“I will try to see if I can find anything. Any chance you could give me a bank statement or anything so I can run a quick search to see where he got his salary from? Maybe that way we can find out who he worked for.” The man said and Alec could hear the sound of a pen or pencil moving on paper. 

“Sure. Do you want me to bring it in or fax it even?” He asked as he walked to the small drawer where they kept all the mails. He was sure there was at least one there that he could use. 

“You can fax it. It’s quicker and I don’t want to get you all the way here just to give me a paper.” The man said and Alec told him he would send him in a few minutes before hanging up. 

It didn’t take him long to find the document he needed. His eyes ran over the paper, trying to see if he can spot anything unusual about the transactions, but there was nothing standing out as a sore thumb. 

He sent it through quickly, hoping that maybe, maybe they finally have a lead to start off with. 

He spent the rest of his afternoon, digging out random papers and different documents that was addressed to Magnus to see if there is anything he could use. There were a handful of bank statements, utility bills, a few invoice from the time they bought the TV, loads of ads.. nothing strange. 

He was sitting in the middle of letters as he watched the Chairman lying down comfortably on the pile of papers. He purred as Alec stroke the back of his ears lazily. He neglected him in the last few days in terms of affection and he suddenly felt guilty for not paying much attention to him. 

It was usually Magnus who was glued to that cat, but Alec loved him too. Magnus often accused him for being the cat’s number one, even thought they both knew that Chairman equally gave zero fucks about both of them. 

He opened his phone and went on safari when he suddenly froze. His fingers stopped in the middle of the movement and he tried to jump up. 

Sitting on his legs weren’t the best idea afterall, considering how numb they became he almost ended up falling on the stack of papers next to Chairman. Cool as a cucumber. 

Once he could feel his limbs he walked to the fridge and ripped of the piece of paper that had the phone number written on it. The phone number that apparently belonged to Magnus’ work place. 

He moved the paper next to his phone and he looked at the opened tab. 

It was left where he googled the company’s phone number for Luke. 

Despite the obviousness of it he double checked, and he felt his eyebrows disappearing in his hair line. 

The two numbers were different. 

Not by a number.. but completely different. 

He quickly opened the keypad on his phone and typed in the number written by Magnus. 

“Our site is currently under construction, please call back later. Thank you for calling Hotel Dumort.” 

This was the number he called before, but he never bothered to listen to the entire message, he hung up once he realised that it wasn’t an actual person answering the phone. 

He went back to the safari and quickly googled the hotel. He never heard of it before. 

It was giving an address at 116th Street, East Harlem, Manhattan. 

He quickly grabbed his keys and wallet and shut the door behind. He didn’t bother to turn the lights on. He finally had something. There must have been a reason Magnus gave him this phone number. 

He thought about phoning Luke but considering that it was almost midnight he doubted he would answer, plus he didn’t have much yet, just an address. 

He was literally five minutes from it. What a fucking joke. 

His heart was hammering in his chest the entire time he was driving there. 

He didn’t know what he would see or what to expect. Well, that’s not true. He was expecting answers. Loads of them. 

“Fucking hell.. fuck.” He cursed when he finally found the hotel. Or whatever was done. Because it was, as it said, under construction. 

He grabbed the steering wheel tightly as he leaned back, hitting his head to the headrest for a couple of times. 

It was another dead end. 

He didn’t know if Magnus was making fun of him, or just didn’t think he would end up here, but right now, he felt fucking played with. 

The whole situation reminded him the time they got Chairman that stupid box. 

It had a number of holes on the top and you were supposed to put you hand under it and stick your fingers through random holes. Quickly pulling them back before the cat could catch it. 

He felt like he was the fucking cat. Trying to catch something that turns out to be impossible to catch, but still thinking that maybe if he is quick enough or tries hard enough, he will manage to grab onto something, just to realise that he was being played with and he would never manage to win this game.


	6. 6

Once he got home he felt as if he suddenly aged by a good ten years. He felt exhausted, both emotionally and mentally drained.

Realising that his husband has no past in terms of friends, never worked where he said he did for the past years were a lot to take in. 

He didn’t know which was more worrying. the fact he was so blind the entire time or that his husband managed to lie in his face without a problem for years. 

He wanted answers. He wanted reasons. He wanted an explanation and it would better be the best god damn explanation on the world. 

A few days ago, he wanted nothing more than have a last chance to talk to him and tell him he loved him too, right now, if he would have the chance to tell one thing to him, he would ask why. 

Why did he lie? 

Why did he leave? 

Why did he not trust him to tell him the truth? 

He walked into the kitchen and lifted a glass from the shelf before walking over to the cabinet where they kept all the alcohol. He felt pathetic and weak, but he didn’t know what else to do. 

He was on the edge of having a full-on mental break down. 

He poured some whisky into the glass and drank it all in one go just to refill it for the second time. 

Drinking away his problems wasn’t something he often did, but he was certain that it was totally acceptable in his circumstance. Not as if anyone could judge him. He was alone. 

***

Alec woke up to his phone ringing somewhere. 

He didn’t know what time it was, but judging by the sunlight that was brighter than ever, giving him a hell of a headache, it had to be well in the morning if not the afternoon. 

He groaned as he tried to get up. He fell asleep on the couch at some point. His head was pounding, and he had zero sense for coordination, resulting him on the floor as he tumbled off from the couch, hitting the wooden floor with an ungracefully load thud. 

He got up and tried to locate his phone as it kept ringing. 

He found it by the fridge along with an empty bottle of bourbon. 

Oh yes, now he remembered. At some point he stopped giving fucks about using a glass and he drank from the bottle instead. 

He grimaced as the lingering smell of alcohol hit him, and he needed all his strength not to empty the concept of his stomach into the sink. 

He took a deep breath before swiping the call to the left to answer. 

“Halo?” His voice was husky from sleeping. 

“Alec? It’s Luke from NYPD.” 

He wished to able to say that Luke calling somehow helped him to sober up but he still felt terribly hangover if not drunk. 

“Hey. Yes.” He said and leaned to the kitchen top as he waved towards the cat with his hand, hoping he would get off from it and continue grooming himself somewhere else, outside of the kitchen. 

“I have looked into the account your husband got his salary from, but I’m afraid it’s a dead end. The money came from a private account and I can’t get any information on it. Whoever sent the money didn’t want to be found.” _They would be friends with Magnus that’s for sure._ Alec thought bitterly, but didn’t entertain the officer with his sarcasm. 

“I see. So, we don’t have anything.” Alec said bitterly and bit his lips to stop himself from saying more. He knew it wasn’t Luke’s fault that they weren’t getting anywhere, but after more than a week, he hoped to have more on his husband’s disappearance than fuck all. 

“Yes and no. I couldn’t find anything regarding to his job or income, but I found something else.” Luke said and Alec closed his eyes as he wished the man would stop being so cryptic. His alcohol abused brain was working slower than usual and he wasn’t in the mood to play twenty questions. 

“What is it?” 

“A name. Asmodeus Bane.” Alec’s eyes popped open. Asmodeus Bane. _Bane_ Does that mean- 

“His father.” Luke said, answering to Alec’s question. 

“He said his father was dead.” Alec said and he started to feel really stupid. 

“I don’t think you lied to me Alec. I think Magnus spared you the details regarding to his family.” _Yeah, he surely spared me from a lot of things._ Alec added bitterly and he was at the point when he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. 

“Okay. Do you have anything about him? Address? Phone number?” Alec asked and he tried not to sound demanding, but he finally saw the chance to get answers, even if not from Magnus himself, at least from someone who knew Magnus’ past. Since Alec didn’t. 

“The last information I found on him is from more than two years ago. There is a Californian address here, but that was a dead end. I will look more and ring you as soon as I get something useful on the guy.” 

“Okay. Thank you. Really.” Alec said as he licked his lips. He did mean it. 

“It’s my job.. Are you alright?” Luke asked and the usual professional tone was gone from his voice, he sounded concerned and worried. 

“I’m coping.” Alec said, not wanting to admit that he spent the last night looking at a hotel jus to return home and drink himself to the ground. 

“Good. That’s good. I’ve seen people in similar situations and sometimes.. some people just can’t cope. And they get lost in the pain. I know that not knowing can be even worse than certainty. But don’t give up yet. We will find him.” Luke said and Alec ran a hand through his messy hair before muttering a thank you and a bye. 

He let out a shaky breath and the guilt of drinking to numb the pain hit him. Magnus was out there, and he was literally dwelling in his self-indulgence instead of fighting for him. 

He put some food into the Chairman’s bowl before heading to get a shower. He was wearing the same t-shirt for the past two days and he was sure as hell that he stunk from alcohol and sweat. 

He carefully supressed the urge to smell Magnus’ shampoo or shower gel, no matter how big the temptation was. He had to focus. 

The slightly cold water helped him to clear his mind. He washed his hair but didn’t bother to dry, instead, he just dressed up and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. 

He had a quick glance at his phone and saw a handful of worried texts from Izzy. He felt terrible for putting her through everything, especially now that she was pregnant. He quickly sent back a text to her while he waited for the coffee. 

He dug through one of the drawers for some aspirins when he found a packet of cigarettes. 

It was no secret that Magnus enjoyed a smoke every now and on after having sex. Alec never so the appeal in it. 

He wasn’t sure if he was still in the ‘let’s make stupid decisions that I can regret later’ phase or he missed Magnus to the point where everything regarding to him was a bittersweet feeling, but he took out a cigarette and walked to the balcony to have it with his coffee. 

He needed some time to think about what to do next. 

He felt like every time he thought he would get somewhere he was ending up at square one. 

As he stepped out onto the balcony his mind went back to the first morning. 

_”Morning.” He said looking at Magnus who just walked into the living room, fresh and glowing. He on the other hand, definitely had a terrible bed head as he slept on the couch._

_“And what a wonderful morning it is.” Magnus said with a smirk and a wink, earning an eyeroll from Alec._

_“Your standards must have not been raised too high if me waking up on your couch, is enough to declare the morning as ‘wonderful.’” He said with some mocked sarcasm as he sit up and walked towards the man._

_”Oh, Alexander. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Any morning is wonderful as long as you are the first thing I see when I get up.”_

_”Did that line ever worked?” Alec asked with a chuckle._

_”You tell me.” Magnus said sheepishly as he played with the hem of Alec’s t-shirt._ _”I’m afraid I’m a typical man. And I want, what every man wants at this time of the day.” Alec said licking his lip._

_A blowjob?” The older man asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Alec looked at him with a deadpan expression before answering._

_”Breakfast.” He said, earning a laugh from Magnus._

“You are something else, Alexander. You are lucky, I’m the master of mean Belgian waffles.” He said with a smirk as he caressed Alec’s cheek. 

And oh, he was. It was the best thing Alec ever head for breakfast. They ate on the balcony. He caught himself smiling on the memory before that said smile faded from his lips. 

He doesn’t want it to be just that. A memory. A moment of life he will never experience again. 

He put out the cigarette. He lighted it but never actually smoked it. Self-destruction won’t bring Magnus back. 

He decided to look through Magnus’s stuff. Normally he would feel bad or even guilty, but right now he didn’t have that privilege. It had to be done. 

He started with his wardrobe. He checked every pocket for anything but apart from a few receipts and chew gum paper, he didn’t find anything useful. The fact that his husband’s scent lingered on everything wasn’t the reason it took him hours. Or at least that’s what he told himself. 

His bedside table was relatively empty if he didn’t count the condoms, lube and a few bits and bobs. 

He went into the office room. It was used by both of them, but Magnus spent a lot more in there doing god knows what under ‘work’, since Alec got everything done in the office and he wasn’t the kind of person who would bring his home work unless he had to. 

He started to look through the papers on the desk. He found a few work-related documents. 

He raised an eyebrow. It was fucking mental, how far Magnus went to keep up with his bullshit. 

It was scary how much effort his husband put into the lie he fed Alec with. There were forms about international cases that he was apparently working on, cases that are turned out to be non-existing. 

He grabbed one of the papers and crumbled it into a ball before tossing it aside, imagining doing the same to his returned anger and frustration. 

He moved onto the drawers. 

The top one was full of stationary stuff, pens, pencils, stapler, scissors, empty envelops.. 

The second was functioning as a second bin by the look of it. He grimaced as he moved onto the third one. 

He raised his brows in surprise. A folder. 

He opened it and realised that Magnus put all his papers into it in an organised order. He separated everything depending on what sort of file it was, health, bank, tax, work related papers, bills. Everything belonged to Alec and sure as hell it wasn’t him who actually cared to keep everything that neatly. 

Why would Magnus bother to organise his stuff when he clearly didn’t care about his own? 

Not that he complained, if Alec would need to remember where he put something, he would never find it. They would all be dumped in there. 

He shrugged and closed it before he moved back to the middle one. 

He dug through the number of papers receipts, subway tickets and what not. He found another folder at the bottom of it. It was a paper on, he tugged it out and opened it. It was full of letters. The entire chunk was held together by a rubber band. 

He lifted them and ran his fingers through the edges as he flicked them. 

There were 25 of them. All unopened. 

_Asmodeus Bane_

_Southport Correctional Facility_

_236 Bob Masia Drive P.O. Box 2000_

_Pine City NY, 14871-2000_

What the fuck? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ps.  
> The address for the prison is genuine.  
> It is a maximum security male prison.  
> I literally bend backwards for you guys.  
> Although.. I don't know why I put so much effort into such a thing,  
> I guess we can agree I have a _thing_ for prisons. *wink*wink*


	7. 7

He lifted the phone to his ear as he stared at the letters.

“Alec. I was just about to call you. I found the reason why Magnus’ father disappeared, he is currently serving life sentence in-“ 

“The Southport Correction Facility? I know.” 

“Yes. How did you know?” 

“He sent letters to Magnus. 25 at least. It was in his drawer. Under a pile of rubbish. He didn’t read them.” 

“That’s realistic. He must have mailed them once a month.” Luke hummed and Alec could, yet again, hear as the man wrote something. 

“Did you say life sentence? What is he in for?” He asked frowning as he pulled his gaze from the letters. 

“A list of things he didn’t commit would be shorter.” The man said grimly and licked his lips. Brilliant. His father-in-law is a psycho. 

“I will try to see if I can arrange a visit to see him. I think it would be better if you would visit him. I doubt he would be chatty with an officer. I will see him as well of course, but I think we have better chances with you.” Luke said, and Alec wasn’t sure if he felt happy to handle the situation himself or worried that he might jeopardize the chance to find out anything. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay. Normally it would take up to 6-8 weeks to get accepted, but hopefully I can pull a few strings and get you in for tomorrow or Sunday.” 

“That would be great.” 

“I give you a call later on today or tomorrow, once I got through them.” Luke said before hanging up. 

Alec hissed of the cat from the table and watched it with a frown as a cat looked at him with a bored glare. Clearly Alec isn’t the boss in their relationship. 

He grimaced at the amount of hair he left behind, honestly that cat shed like there is no tomorrow. 

He sighed as he poured some coffee for himself. He lifted it to his lips but stopped abruptly when he realised the mug he was holding belonged to Magnus. 

He let out a shaky breath as he pushed himself away from the table, the chair making a screechy noise as the legs scratched the wooden floor. 

He walked to the sink and placed the mug in just to take out a new one. 

He poured over the coffee from one to the other and sat back down. 

He drank from Magnus’ mug before. God, sometimes he did it in front of the man with a smug smirk just to tease him. But that was before he went missing. Before he found out the man lied to him. Before he felt fucked over. 

He was angry. Scratch that. He was furious. Not just at Magnus, but he was pissed at himself too. 

How blind do one must be not to realise that the man he lived with was lying? How naïve do one has to be not to realise that someone doesn’t talk about old friends? 

He shook his head. Did he really not realise those things, or he just ignored them? He didn’t know. 

He scrubbed his face, letting out a huge yawn. He didn’t sleep properly in the last days, the couch was never an ideal option for sleeping, and it started to catch up on him. 

He jolted as his phone suddenly rang. 

_Izzy_

“Hey.” Alec said as he answered the phone. 

“Alec. Hey. I was wondering if, you want to come over for lunch?” Izzy asked carefully and Alec closed his eyes for a second. Granted, she was worried about him and he couldn’t blame her. The last thing he wanted was spend an hour with his siblings and their partners like some 5th wheel, plus he was aware that he would be exposed to worried looks the whole time. 

“I’ll be there. Next time. Okay?” He said as he smiled to himself. It was barely a smile and rather the sad type, but a smile. 

“Okay. That’s.. that’s good.” She said and Alec heard how the faint disappointment and sadness in her voice. 

“Izzy.” 

“Yes?” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too big brother.” She said and Alec hung up quickly but could still hear a quiet sob from the other line. 

He knew he was pushing her away. He was pushing everyone away, but he didn’t care. He needed some time to wrap his head around this whole thing. He just needed to think. A lot. About a lot of things. 

He didn’t want to tell his siblings about Magnus’ father, not yet anyway. He didn’t know what will happen when he meets the man. Whether he will reveal anything. Maybe he knows something Alec doesn’t. Maybe he knows where Magnus is. He knew it was a foolish hope, the man has been in prison for over two years, however.. right now.. all he had was hope. 

And damn him if he wasn’t holding onto it for dear life. 

***

It was roughly a four-hour drive to the prison from Brooklyn. He spent the entire journey in utter silence. He was on edge, he felt the pulsing under his skin, like it was almost too tight. He was nervous, frustrated. He was biting his nail, trying anything to calm his wrecked nerves. 

He didn’t know how, but Garroway managed to get him in for Sunday, early on the afternoon. 

Considering that it was a maximum security prison, the waiting could be two months for someone if they wanted to visit an inmate. Garroway had to pull in a few favours, that’s for sure. Alec was really grateful. He couldn’t imagine what he would do if he couldn’t get involved, probably go insane between the four walls. 

Taking part in the investigation, even if slightly, helped him to cope. 

He didn’t have to dwell on the pain and suffering, he could actually do something about the situation and it was revealing. 

Knowing that not everything is lost, that there is still hope that he can track him down, bring him home. _Home_

Alec hated how the loft felt less and less like home. He didn’t sleep in their bedroom for days now. 

The couch was too small for him, uncomfortable and way too firm. But it didn’t smell like Magnus. 

There wasn’t a huge gaping pace next to him, one matching his heart. 

It was okay. He could endure the physical pain in his back and neck caused by sleeping on the shitty couch, but he couldn’t bare the pain he felt inside every time he touched the cold side of the bed. 

He looked for an empty parking spot labelled for ‘visitors’. 

The building was huge. He was expecting some wires or something going around the wall, but there was none to be seen. He almost chuckled to himself. Not out of joy or happiness, but more in an ironic way. 

He wished a few times that Magnus’ parents would be alive. They could have family dinners together; he would have asked for his parents’ blessings. 

He wished to meet Mr and Mrs Bane, to have a mother-in-law and a father-in-law and a part his wish came true. 

He almost wished it didn’t. He had no idea what Magnus was thinking or feeling about his father. How could he? He never told him. 

He wondered if Magnus didn’t tell him about it for the same reason he lied about his job or if it was a secret on its own. 

He should add it to his never-ending list with all the things he will ask Magnus if, _when_ , he finds him. 

He walked through the main doors, facing the reception. 

Luke talked him through the process, he needs to check in, give his ID, all his belongings, the ones that weren’t allowed in, go through a gate to make sure he has nothing on him, before he even sets his foot into the actual prison. 

He wasn’t visiting the man with the rest of the visitors and inmates. 

He will be escorted into a room, separated by a glass wall. 

Alec was allowed to talk to him in private but, due to the sentence the man was serving, he wasn’t allowed into the same room. 

The entire procedure lasted for 15-20 mins but for Alec it was gone in a blur of an eye. 

He found himself inside a room, and surely, there was a glass separating it into two sides. 

The man wasn’t there yet. 

He sat down and looked at the guard who stopped at the door. 

“I will be standing on the other side of the door. If you wish to leave at any moment, give a knock and I’ll show you out.” The man said and Alec nodded before thanking him. 

He fought the urge to fidget with his fingers as the minutes passed, dragging. 

His head snapped up when he saw some movement on the other side. 

He clenched his jaws tight as an older, Asian man walked to take a seat, opposite to him. 

He was surprised. He didn’t know what to expect, but the man looked a lot like Magnus. 

The same sharp jawline, the same nose, the small lips. 

The first difference that struck Alec was the eyes. 

Magnus’ eyes were dark brown with flickers of gold, always warm and loving. 

His father’s eyes were different. It was cold and Alec saw endless darkness in them. 

Almost like two blackholes. 

He didn’t move his gaze from the man as he blindly reached out for the phone, the man on the other side mimicking his movement. 

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood.” The man said with a smile tugging at his lips, there was nothing good hiding behind it. He didn’t bother correcting him, he wasn’t here to play games. 

“Asmodeus Bane.” Alec said, his voice cold and measured. He didn’t smile. 

“What can I do for my son-in-law?” He asked, amusement dancing in his eyes. Alec almost grimaced by the title but swallowed his initial reaction. 

“I’m here to talk about your son, my husband.” 

“What did my precious son do this time?” The man laughed almost as if he found something extremely entertaining in Alec’s words. 

“He disappeared nine days ago.” He said and he was almost surprised it was only nine days. It let a lot more. 

“Hmm. My son always had the tendency to.. fuck off from people’s lives without their consent.” 

“Speaking of experience?” Alec asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“That too.” The man nodded. 

“When was the last time you heard from him?” Alec asked, not hitting around the bush. 

“On my trial.” 

“You sent him letters.” Alec said, looking closely at any reaction the man would give away. 

“Which he never answered to.” The man said and to Alec saw something he wasn’t expecting. A hint of sadness. Almost as if he was hurt by Magnus never answering, never visiting, never calling. Not caring. 

“I guess you can’t blame him, now can you?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. 

“What can I say? I definitely never won the Father of The Year Award.” The man said with a smirk. 

“Clearly not, he never talked about you. I had to find out from a police officer that you are alive. He said you were dead.” He said and could see how the man’s grip tightened around the blue phone. 

“I’m not the father you would bring to a family dinner. I never was, I will never be. I can’t say I’m surprised that my son kept me as a dirty secret.” He hummed carelessly. 

“Do you know about Magnus’ friends?” Alec asked before he could have stopped. He felt his heart leaving out a beat. The man smile widened almost into a grin as he propped his elbows on the table, slightly leaning towards the window. 

“Mr Lightwood.. how is that you, who is married to my son, is asking me, the man who clearly isn’t the part of his son’s life about his friends? Correct me if I’m wrong, but out of the two us, you should be the one being able to answer that.” 

Alec clenched his jaws once again, fighting the urge to close his eyes as well. He knew he made the wrong step. He knew it was a mistake. 

“Do you or do you not?” He asked instead, ignoring the man’s point. 

“I guess the quartet is still as strong as it was.” The man said after a few moments. Quarter. So, there are four of them with Magnus. He was looking for three people. 

“I believe it is.” Alec said, mouth dry, throat almost hurting. 

“You don’t know his friends, do you?” The man asked as he suddenly leaned back in his chair, studying Alec from further away. 

“I was hoping you would know some older friends, old partner perhaps.” He said, showing no reaction to the man’s words. 

“Oh, my son had his fair share of partners along the years, man, women. Excuse me if I don’t keep a close eye on his.. anyway. I’m sure you aren’t here do discuss my son’s exes.” 

“We never talked about them. They are exes for a reason. But I need to know if there is anyone who would still have feelings, good or bad, towards him.” He said carefully. 

“Not one I could think of. My son always knew how to.. tie all the loose ends. Seems like he still does.” He smiled at Alec and Alec didn’t have to react, it was obvious he hit a soft spot. 

“I’m not a loose end. I am his husband.” 

“That, you are. But why do you think he left? Not out of love, that’s for sure.” Alec felt his anger rising with each word and he had to hold himself back if he didn’t want to lash out. 

“What do you know about his work?” He asked instead. 

“What do you mean?” 

“What did he work?” Alec had to force the words out. 

For a moment all he could hear was the laugh of the other man. It was ringing in his ears, loud, vibrant and bitter. Almost like venom. 

“Oh, good lord. Are you sure you are my son’s husband? Are we talking about the same Magnus Bane? Boy, to me it seems like you know a very little about my son. 

“Answer my question.” Alec said, raising his voice as he felt the last thread of his patience coming to an end. 

“Why? My son left me, why should I care? He surely doesn’t.” 

“Your son did nothing wrong. He never hurt anyone, never did anything wrong, unlike you. He deserves all the love and care. You sucked to give it to him any of those, why would he care? What would he possibly want from you?” 

Alec was sure he pushed a few buttons and that the man will snap at him. He was ready for his wrath and anger. 

He wasn’t ready for the utter shock on his face. The surprise, disbelief. He looked at Alec with eyes wide open, lost for words. 

He leaned close to the glass, his face almost touching the surface as he looked into Alec’s eyes. 

“Do you even know who my son is?” 

Alec felt his face going numb, his heart sinking low, his fingertips tingling. 

He slowly stood up, he barely breathed as the tightness of his chest grew painfully. 

“I hope you will rot in here.” He said as he tossed the unopened letters to the table, where the man could clearly see them all. 

He put the phone back and as he walked to the door, he could hear the shouts and curses of the other man through the thick glass, through the buzzing in his ear. 

Through his pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVEEEEE angst.  
> And you guys love me, right? Riiiiight?


	8. 8

Alec didn’t know how he got home.

His head was bumping with the pain. 

His eyes hurt with every blink, the pressure behind them was agonizing. 

The tightness of his jaws sent pulsing pain, increasing his headache. 

The muscles in his back were so tense he wondered if they will ever relax. 

He was shaking with anger as he scooped up the letters from the passenger’s seat as he ran up to the loft, taking two steps at a time. 

He basically burst through the door, scaring the Chairman, who almost jumped out of his skin as he crawled under the sofa. 

He sat down and opened the first letter. He had no idea about the order since they were all mixed up by now. 

Alec ran his eyes through the words and sentences. 

He opened every single one of them, jus to find the same damn words written over and over again. 

He threw the letters onto the dining table with no care before he grabbed the first object in his path throwing onto the wooden floor as he cursed loudly, angrily. 

He looked at the pieces without blinking. Magnus’ mug. The one he loved so much; they were only allowed to hand wash it. 

“Fuck it.” Alec spat towards the remains. 

His gaze travelled onto the bookcase at the opposite side of the living room, stopping on the pictures of the two of us. One of the oldest ones they had. They took it on their third or fourth date. He couldn’t remember exactly. 

He marched over, chest raising vehemently as he reached out for the photo. 

“Fuck you.” He hissed at the reflection of the man. 

He looked around himself, taking in his surrounding as if he is seeing everything for the first time. 

“Fuck all of this.” He said before dropping the picture from his hand. 

He watched in slow motion as the picture moved towards the ground, hitting it with a sharp sound before the pieces of glasses spluttered everywhere. 

He closed his eyes, his hands moving to his face, grabbing onto his hair as he screamed. He felt like he was going insane. He felt as he was shifting away from sanity with every passing day. 

He dropped onto his knees and let it go. 

He cried until his lungs burnt, until his throat hurt, until he couldn’t see through his puffed eyes, until his skin turned hot from fever, until he couldn’t breath through his blocked nose.. he cried until he ran out of tears. 

He heard his phone ringing somewhere, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered. He was left alone. He was lost. 

He gently stroked the soft fur as he stared into the emptiness in front of him, watched as the shadows grew, longer and longer before getting ingulfed into darkness. 

He sat in the living room for hours. 

He took the Chairman into the bedroom until he cleaned up the mess he caused in his rage. He grimaced as he put the pieces of the mug onto a dustpan. He hesitated for a few seconds, then he decided to put them into a bowl. 

He might be able to fix it. 

It was broken, probably will never function as a mug again.. but it was still _his_ mug. He couldn’t just dump it like that. 

He almost laughed out bitterly. He is being a proper idiot. He feels bad about a fucking object, whereas the man who supposed to love him was okay with leaving him, with breaking him, with dumping him like a piece of rubbish. 

He swallowed the bitter bile that made its way up. He needed some air. His head was throbbing, and he couldn’t stay in the house any longer. He wanted to get out to clear his thoughts and calm down. 

He has been walking for over an hour. He didn’t know where he was heading, he just took a foot in front of the other. 

He passed countless bars, restaurants but he didn’t even spare a second glance at them. 

The air was almost cold at this time of the night. He heard the faint sound of the city around him, but his thoughts were too loud to actually take anything in from his surroundings. 

He thought about calling Izzy or Jace. Hoping that they would help him to.. what? What they could possible do to make him feel better? He felt the pain growing in his chest once again. He stopped abruptly and raised his hands to his eyes, pushing them with the palm of his hand, hoping to ease the pressure he felt behind his eyes. 

He moved his hands away to look around. He wasn’t familiar with the place. It took him a few minutes to realize where he ended up exactly. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line as he read the letter displayed above himself: 

Hotel DuMort 

Alec didn’t know what made him to march up to the entrance or better even, what made him to push the doors open and walk into the darkness. 

“Halo?” He called out, his voice sounded a lot more confident and braver than what he felt at that moment. Although he was sure he would probably get a heart attack if someone answers to his greeting. 

He looked around, but it was dark. The lights from outside hardly made their ways in into the building. 

He heard footsteps as someone was approaching him and he hesitated. 

A part of him wanted to get the fuck out of the half-way-done hotel but he was desperate enough to risk of getting arrested for trespassing. 

He hoped the guard wouldn’t raise hell on him for coming in. 

To his surprise the man who turned up wasn’t a guard. Not in the usual sense anyway. He was wearing a black suit with a black shirt. 

“Good evening. May I help you?” The man asked in a flat voice, he didn’t seem too impressed, on the contrary, he almost looked bored as he eyed Alec. 

“Hello. I..eh..My name is Alec Lightwood-Bane.” Alec said and he licked his lips nervously as he looked at the other man, holding a hand out. 

“Raphael Santiago. What can I do for you at this time of the night?” The man said and he shook Alec’s hand. 

“I was hoping you could help me. My husband.. went missing a few days ago. I found the contact number for the hotel among his stuff. Would you happen to know him? Magnus Bane-Lightwood.” Alec said, bending the truth slightly. 

The man just raised an eyebrow. 

“Do you know him Mr Santiago?” He said and his heart beat fast as he waited for an answer from the other man. 

“No, I’m afraid I don’t. Must have been a mistake or misunderstanding. I wish I could be any help, but I never met or heard about your husband.” The man said with an apologetic smile. 

Alec just looked at him for a few seconds. He didn’t know what he felt. 

He was exhausted emotionally, he’s been through hell during the past week. Since, he believed the hotel was a dead end, it wasn’t that hurtful to get it confirmed. 

“I understand. I’m sorry for the bother.” He nodded towards the man. 

“Not a problem.” The man said, mimicking Alec’s movement. 

“I’ll get going then.” 

He felt the man’s eyes on him as he walked out of the building into the night. 

After getting home, once he made sure that there were no more sharp pieces left on the floor which could hurt the cat, or himself, he let him out of the room and walked to the fridge to take a wet pouch out. 

He looked inside the fridge and blinked a couple of times. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He cursed once he realized that his fridge was pretty much empty. 

He shut the door with a full force, causing the freezer’s door to open slowly. 

He was about to push it closed when he spotted something. 

He felt his breath getting cut off, his face numbing, his knees trembling, his heart hammering in his chest. 

He raised his arm, slowly opening the door even further. 

There it was. An oreo ice-cream. 

_Magnus has been home._


	9. 9

If you never fainted before, you can’t imagine what it would be like, what it feels like.

You might have heard it from others, but you can’t truly say you know what it’s like until you experience it yourself. 

It’s a bit like being in love. If you never experienced it, you only know it from what you heard from others, but you can’t really imagine the actual feeling. 

People often say that you will know when it happens. You will just know. There will be no question or doubt about it. 

Alec agreed with this in every level. He was never in love before Magnus. He loved, but never been in love. He knew it was different with the older man. He knew he wasn’t just having a crush on Magnus, but he loved him. He was desperately and utterly in love with him. 

Until now, he never came close to faint but the moment his eyes landed on the ice-cream and it registered in his mind that Magnus has been in the house, their house. Their home. 

He knew he was close to pass out. He felt the floor shifting under his feet, his vision blurring in a way that every sharp line suddenly became fuzzy. 

The dizziness came out of nowhere, hitting him as a wave would hit the rocks in the middle of a storm. 

He moved his hand to grab onto something, anything, but he only grasped the thick air as he moved his hand blindly around for some support. 

He wasn’t sure if it was all from the relief that he felt or everything was simply catching up with him, but the next moment he found himself sitting on the floor. His lips twitched into a silly smile. 

He didn’t know what made him, but suddenly a giggle escaped his lips the same time he let out a sob. 

Being overwhelmed with emotions isn’t a rare occurrence. It happens on weddings, at child birth and sometimes the moment you find out your husband was well and alive. 

Crying and laughing at the same time could also be the sign of losing your god damn mind and Alec hoped it wasn’t the case. 

He felt as if he sat onto an emotional rollercoaster some days ago and he was finally losing his grip as it flies through countless different phases with him. 

He raised his tired gaze as he heard a disapproving, way too long meow from above. 

He blinked a few times before he finally realized what he was looking at. The Chairman Meow was now sitting on the kitchen table above Alec, looking down at him with his yellow eyes. 

Alec shook his head as he pushed himself up slowly from the ground with a quiet laugh. 

He smiled at the fur ball who was wiggling his long tail lazily from one side to the other, not caring that, once again, he had moved into a forbidden territory. 

Alec let out a ‘hmmp’ as he half smiled at the car, raising a hand to scratch him behind his ear. As a clue, the cat started to purr loudly, pushing his head into the warm palm with an approving meow between two purrs. 

Alec sat onto the sofa, phone in hand as he flicked through the photos. There were hundreds of pictures of them. Most of the photos were about the two of them but Alec had a bunch of group photos with his siblings and their friends. 

He felt the burning sensation in his eyes as he watched how happy they were. Wide smile on both their faces as they looked into the camera. Alec saw the same spark in Magnus’ eyes that he had in his. The spark of happiness. The spark of love. 

Where was Magnus now? 

***

Alec must have fell asleep on the sofa with his phone in hand because when a call woke him up it came from right next to his ear, jolting him up, giving him a rapid heartbeat. 

He got off the sofa as he swiped his phone to the left, accepting the call from Garroway. 

He marched to the freezer, almost sure it was only a dream, a vivid imagination of his tired and abused mind. 

“Halo?” He murmured, voice husky from sleepiness as he opened the freezer, almost frantically. 

“Alec, it’s Luke. How are you?” The man’s deep voice sounded almost weirdly emotionless, but Alec was too busy to care. 

“Magnus was home.” He blurted out as soon as his long fingers wrapped around the tub of ice-cream. It was cold, almost burning his warm skin. 

“What? When?” Luke asked, he now was on high alert, full on investigator mode. Alec heard the familiar shuffling of papers and a click of a pen. 

“I don’t know. I went for a walk at night, when I got home, I realized that there was ice-cream in the fridge. The one he was supposed to buy on the day he disappeared.” 

“I will send someone out to ask the neighbors if they saw or heard anything. He didn’t break in, did he?” 

“No, he must have used his key.” Alec said as he took out the ice-cream and glared at it as if he waited for something to happen. 

“Look, let’s not close out the option that it might not been him going into the house. I will go over and make sure it wasn’t a break in. 

But for now, I called you about something else. Did you know Magnus owned a property?” 

“Of course. The house is actually his.” Alec said matter-of-factly. 

“Wait, you mean the one you live in?” Alec could hear the confusion in the man’s voice and almost saw in front of him the man frowning, hand stopping mid-way. 

“Yes. I sold my house and moved into his. It’s bigger and closer to my work.” He said shrugging. 

“Alec.. that property..that’s under your name.” The man said and Alec wasn’t sure if he heard it right. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The property the two of you share is under your name. I was talking about a different house. Magnus had a house of his own. Well, under his name anyway.” The man said and Alec blinked at the fridge, still half way open. 

“I.. why would it be under my name? I never signed anything. He never even mentioned anything about it.” He said trying to convince both himself and Luke that it must have been a misunderstanding. 

“According to the files, the ownership has been passed onto you after you got married. It is signed by you.” 

“I never signed anything. I didn’t know about it.” Alec said and walked to the table to sit down onto a chair. He was still holding the frozen dessert in his hand, the coldness of it worked as an anchor right now, stopping him from panicking. 

“I don’t know what to say. But I have an address here, so I will go out and investigate the house to see if we find anything. Magnus might be there.” The man said and Alec, despite how he wished it would be true, deep down he knew they won’t find him there. 

“I…-“ He didn’t know what he wanted to say exactly but as he placed the ice-cream onto the table, he was suddenly distracted by a metallic sound as if something hit the table. 

He frowned as he turned the ice-cream around and found a small key attached to the bottom of the container. 

“Alec?” 

“He.. Magnus left here a key.” He said almost as a whisper as he peeled off the sellotape so he could remove the key. 

“A key?” Luke asked and Alec raised the small silver object to his eye level and pressed his lips together with a frown. 

“A key.” He repeated. 

“I send you the address. Bring the key with you. It might be for the house. We’ll meet you there.” Luke said in a hurry and Alec hardly had any time to react before the man hung up. 

***

Alec wasn’t sure what they would find in the house. He was mortified as different scenarios and possible outcomes ran through his mind as he waited for the police to do an initial investigation around the perimeter. 

“Okay. Come with me.” He motioned for Alec who quickly followed him into the building. The house was on the 3rd floor. Flat 8. There was no name or anything on the door. 

Alec watched as Luke raised his arm and knocked on the door. Alec held his breath back, heart hammering in his chest as they waited for any response. There was none. 

Luke repeated his movement again. 

“NYPD. Please open the door.” He said and they listened for any sound coming from the other side of the door. 

Unfortunately, there was nothing but deadly silence. 

Luke held a hand out for Alec to give him the key, he quickly handed it over before looking at Alec and giving him a brief nod. Alec watched the man slowly sliding the key into the lock before turning it away. 

The door opened with a quiet click and Luke pushed the door open, keeping his hand hoovering above his gun. 

He looked at Alec who stayed outside while a few cops made their way into the house. 

A few minutes passed as Alec heard the voices calling out “clear” in every few seconds. 

Magnus wasn’t in the house. It was empty. 

He stood in the living room as he watched the people around him, looking into every cupboard, every corner of the house. 

“It’s all clear. It looks well maintained. There is a good chance your husband used to come here but based on the letters under the door and the dust on the furniture, I doubt he’s been here recently.” Luke said with a sad look as he sighed and patted Alec’s shoulder. 

He swallowed the bitter taste of disappointment. 

“Is it okay if I stay? For a bit?” He asked as he licked his lips almost nervously. 

“I don’t see a reason why it would be an issue.” The man said after a few seconds. 

“Thank you.” Alec said. 

He watched as the last cop left the house, closing the door slowly. 

He looked around. So, this is where Magnus spent his days. It was a small apartment. Very simple, almost empty, compared to their loft. Magnus loved extravagant decoration. Bright colors, expensive decorative objects. Compared to their home, this was very mundane. Hardly anything apart from a sofa, a coffee table and bookcases along the wall. 

There were no pictures, no knick-knacks. No personal touch. 

He walked into the bedroom, there was only a single bed pushed under the window and a small drawer opposite to it. 

Alec had a quick look into them. They were all empty. Not a single piece of clothing. 

He moved back to the kitchen and opened the cabinets. He raised an eyebrow. The cabinets were fully supplied with canned foods, flour, sugar, salt. At least 20 bottles of water. It was almost like Magnus was expecting to spend here a long time without the thought of leaving during the time. 

Like he was planning to stay there for even weeks. 

He opened the fridge and freezer as well, but they were shut down. The plug was pulled out from the socket along with everything else such as the kettle or the microwave. 

He walked to the selves, his eyes running over the books. The majority of them were classical novels and books. Nothing out of ordina- 

He frowned, his eyes landed on a white book, he tilted his head slightly as he read the title running across the spine “Indonesian meals and desserts”. 

Now if there was one thing he knew for sure, is that Magnus never used a cooking book. He normally cooked from memory, but occasionally he used a recipe from online, but never from a book. 

He raised his arm and slowly pulled the book out from the rest. 

It was light, way too light for a book of his thick. 

He opened it and quickly turned the pages as his eyes took in the context of it. 

Pictures. Loads of pictures. Pictures of Magnus and him, pictures of Magnus and people he never saw. His friends. He was turning the pages frantically just to see the same four faces over and over again. Magnus, two men and a woman. 

Alec quickly took out one of the photos and leaned in closer. 

The woman was wearing a uniform. It appeared to be a nurse or doctor uniform from a Brooklyn hospital. 

He recognized it easily, he’s been there before. He read the name tag; it was blurred but it was still visible enough to see “Catarina”. 

He took the photo out and shoved it into his pocket, before putting the photo album back onto the shelf. 

Alec was driving through the traffic, fingers impatiently drumming on the wheel. 

He took a quick glance into the rare mirror. He clenched his jaws as he spotted the black SUV two cars behind him. 

It wasn’t the first time he’s been followed by the car. He spotted it in front of his house a couple of nights ago. 

He bit his lip as he quickly changed lane and turned onto his left, hoping to leave his unwanted company behind. 

***

He walked onto the main reception and headed to the woman, sitting behind the glass, seemingly busy with some paperwork. 

“Good afternoon. How may I help you?” She greeted at Alec with a warm, friendly smile. 

“Hey, I’m Alec Herondale. I’m here to see a nurse, Catarina? I was wondering if you would know where I could find her? My sister was in recently and she was taking care of her and I just wanted to have a quick word with her.” He asked with a smile and hoped that the woman was working and that his lame excuse wasn’t as lame as it felt like. 

“Oh, Cat is.. let me have a look.” She said and clicked a few with the mouse as she looked at the screen of her computer. 

“She should be on the first floor right now. She is about to finish in ten minutes. Do you want to wait for her?” The woman asked, totally oblivious to the fact that she’s been lied in the eye. 

“No, I would rather go and see her now.” He said with a smile, one that was way too warm and way too friendly for his usual liking, but it seemed to work its magic because the woman on the other side of the glass was almost glowing. 

“No problem.” 

“Thank you so much.. Dorothea. I really appreciate your help.” Alec said fondly and the woman _giggled_ at him. 

“Not at all, it’s my job.” She said and Alec waved to her as he headed towards the lift. 

Once the double door closed, he let out a huge sigh. He was shaking and his palms were sweaty. He was anxiously fidgeting with his hands as he waited for the doors to open. 

Once Alec was on the corridor it didn’t take him long enough to spot the woman. She was kneeling in front of two young men. He didn’t hear anything, but it appeared as the woman was quietly talking to them, maybe trying to reassure them, comfort them with a few words through sympathy. 

He waited for her to finish and spot him as he leaned at the wall. 

She didn’t seem to spare him a second glance, she soon straightened up and headed on, probably to see her next patient. She ducked her head as she approached Alec, her hand in his pocket as if she was looking for a pen or her phone. 

“Excuse me.” Alec said once the woman got closer to her. She looked at him curiously with a faint smile. 

“Yes? Can I help you?” 

“I hope so. I’m Alec Lightwood. I’m looking for my husband. Magnus. Magnus Bane.” He said and watched the woman’s face closely, looking for any sign on realization or anything showing that she knows something. 

“I’m..I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t help you. I don’t know any Magnus Bane.” She said and her eyes flickered with something Alec couldn’t name. 

“I think you are lying to me Catarina.” He said, voice stern and slightly angry as he pulled out the photo from his pocket, showing it towards her. 

“I haven’t talked to Magnus or saw him in years now.” The woman said with a pointed look. Her previous calmness and kindness were gone, now she looked cold and distant. 

“Who is this man?” Alec said as he pointed at the only unfamiliar face on the photo. The man looked older than the rest of them, roughly in his mid or late forties. 

“I’m sorry Mr Lightwood I can’t help you.” The woman said and she looked away from Alec and was about to walk away when Alec snapped and grabbed her wrist. He wasn’t aggressive or forceful. He only held her tight enough to stop her from walking away. 

“Please.. I’m begging you.” Alec said with a desperate, pleading voice as he looked into her eyes, loosening his grip on her wrist. 

“I’m sorry.” She said once again, gently squeezing Alec’s hand as she walked away quickly, leaving Alec stunned on the middle of the corridor. 

He hoped to get answers from the woman, but he still had someone else to help. 

The man from the hotel, Raphael Santiago.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you guys want to die half way through this, listen to the Malec wedding song.  
> just for the feel of it, ya'know.

_To my loving girlfriend, the one whose been by my side in the past six years. The one I can’t imagine my life without. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and thank you for allowing me to love you with all my heart and soul._  
_If you read this Darling.. just know that when the time comes.. I want nothing more than to be your loving wife. Always._  
_I promise._

  
“Why did you come back?” The man asked as he looked up at Alec with a grimace. He looked at Alec like he was an annoying spot on the middle of his forehead. One that you want to squeeze but afraid it would only get worse if you do so. Alec went to the hotel right after he finished at the hospital. This time he didn’t hesitate to march into the building and look for the man and he found him in an office-like room. 

“I want answers. I met the nurse, Catarina?.. and now you. Magnus give me _your_ number for a reason. I found the photos in his other flat. You are his friend. The three of you, Catarina and the other older man. I don’t know his name.” He said and licked his lips. He watched as the man pushed his chair back to put some distance between himself and his laptop on the desk. He got up and walked to stand in front of Alec, casually leaning back against the mahogany table. 

“You don’t know his name because Magnus didn’t want you to know his name. The same applies to me and Catarina. You never met us, because he didn’t want you to. Did you know about his other loft or you got the hint from the police? Don’t answer. I know he never told you, because he didn’t want to. 

The same way he never told you about his job. Or the lack of it. Or about his father. Not as I would brag about him but anyway. 

My point is. You don’t know Magnus. You know nothing about his life. Because he wanted it that way. So, why don’t you just accept it that he doesn’t want you to be in his life and move on?” 

“I.. I love him.” Alec said and he felt pathetic. It sounded like a childish reasoning, one that is not enough to support your point of argument but there is nothing else you can present. 

“Love.. c’mon. How can you love someone you _don’t even know_? What did you fell in love with? The way Magnus looks at you? The way he smiles? The way he calls you _Alexan_ -“ Alec’s fist moved on its own accord and before he realised what he was doing, it collided with the man’s jaw with a brutal force. 

“Don’t you fucking ever call me that!” He spat it towards the man, he panted heavily as he looked at the other man wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Magnus always falls too deep and too fast. You aren’t the first ‘Tall, Dark and Handsome’ in his life and I’m sure you aren’t the last one.” 

“You might know him, but you don’t know anything about me. About _us_.” He gritted through his teeth before turning around to leave before killing the man out of rage. 

“I don’t even have to. He filed for divorce. That tells me more than enough.” 

“What did you say?” Alec turned around, looking at the man with his eyes wide in disbelief. He felt his heart sinking down to the bottom of his stomach, leaving his chest empty, hurting. 

“I said he wants a divorce.” The man repeated with a deadpan expression on his face, his voice flat, free of any emotion, as if he just told Alec the current time. 

“Magnus wants..wants to get divorced?” He asked again, rephrasing it with the hope that it won’t feel that bitter on his tongue as the words leave his lips. 

“Yes.” 

“Why the hell would he want that?” Alec asked and for once, he didn’t care how vulnerable, how weak, how hurt, how exposed he sounded in front of a complete stranger. 

“I don’t know. He came to me one day and asked me to give you this when you come to me and get you to sign it.” The man said, eyes not leaving Alec even while he pushed the paper towards him. 

“No.” Alec said to himself. To Magnus. To the thick air. 

“Excuse me?” Raphael asked raising an eyebrow as he looked at Alec. 

“I said, no. I’m not signing it.” He said confidently as he teared his gaze from the paper and looked in the eye of the other man. 

“Why not? Magnus doesn’t want to be married to you. He doesn’t want to be your husband. He doesn’t want you to be his.” The man said, every sentence was like a knife in the heart. He clenched his jaws together, the throbbing pain matching his pulse. He took a deep breath before he spoke. 

“Are you married Raphael?” Alec asked, surprising even himself how calm and composed his voice came out. 

“No, I am not.” 

“Well, I am. And do you know what it means to me?” He asked and the man only tilted his head slightly to the sight, looking at Alec in a ‘go on’ way. 

“When I look at down my hand.. and see my wedding band. I remember. Everything. When you marry someone, it’s like the biggest ‘I promise’ that you can give. You promise that no matter what, you will be there for the other, you will be there even when everything and everyone else seems to leave, when nothing seems right, you are there to make it right, together. You promise that you will love them more, not more than the other loves you, but more than anything that you can ever face. More than any argument, any fight, any mistake, any misstep. You promise that nothing, but death can take the two of you apart because no matter what, you will always be by their side. 

So, when I look at my ring. I remember why I have it at the first place. That out of all the people, Magnus is the one I made my promise to. And no matter where he is, or who he is, I promised him that I will love him till my heart beats, until my last breath and nothing can ever change that. He is the person I want to share my life with, the good days, the bad days, the times when I’m good and the times when I am not. The happy and sad moments. Because he is the one, I always want to be with. 

My ring reminds me that I found the person I want to wake up next to each morning, the person I want to spend each and every day with, the one I want to go to bed with every night and the fact that I found someone I couldn’t imagine my life without because he is my eternal happiness. 

He is my husband. And I am his. 

If he wants to break his promise and leave me.. by all means, I’m not going to stop him or force him to be bound to me for the rest of his life. But if that is what he wants, he will have to come here himself and ask because until then I am not going to stop fighting for him, fighting for us.” He said and didn’t wait for the other man to say anything; he was out through the doors. 

Alec shut the door of his car and tilted his head back. 

He closed his eyes, shut tightly and let the memories flood his mind despite the desperate screams of his broken heart. 

_“The love I have for you..”_

_“Is a love that knows no bounds..”_

_“In times of joy as well as sadness..”_

_“In sickness and in health..”_

_“I will love you as my equal..”_

_“And protect you above all else..”_

_“Will share with you my truest feelings..”_

_“And when you speak.. I will listen..”_

_“I will catch you when you fall..”_

_“And when you soar.. I will help you reach your greatest heights..”_

_“Magnus Bane..”_

_“Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”_

_**"I am and will always be your loving husband".**_

If Alec felt the warmth of breath that smelled of vanilla and whiskey upon his trembling lips as the last sentence flooded his mind, no one could blame him. 

He felt the breath of a ghost lingering there. The fleeing taste of a kiss he would might never be gifted with again. The breath and kiss of a ghost. 

The ghost Magnus had become. 

The ghost Magnus had always been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I know it was a really, really short chapter.  
> I, however, believe that it conveys so much emotions and feelings that if I would have made it any longer, we would've all ended up with a broken heart. 
> 
> Okay, jokes aside. I know '1825 days' had its moments and what not, but i am pretty positive, that this is the most heartbreaking chapter i ever wrote.   
> All I'm asking is to have faith in me. Don't give up on the story. Don't give up on me.   
> I love you all.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> READ END NOTES FOR TRIGGER WARNING
> 
>  
> 
> PS. I managed to get drunk out of my mind which was a terrible idea.
> 
> I've been working non-stop and tomorrow's gonna be my 6th shift so I might as well die as a legend.
> 
>  
> 
> PS.2 I have to focus soooo hard to see what I'm writing or reading, so if there is any mistake in the chapter i'm gonna blame it on the alcohol.  
> Any one here knows what is a purple death?

“Alec!” Izzy said and dragged Alec into a tight hug. Her arms held him for a minute before Jace turned up at the door.

She moved to the side, allowing Jace to hug him as well. 

“We were worried buddy. We missed you.” He said, looking into Alec’s eyes and he saw sadness and worry in the bicoloured eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I love you guys.” Alec said as he swallowed around the lump in his throat. 

“What’s that?” Izzy asked, pointing towards something next to Alec on the floor. 

“Ehm.. that’s.. the Chairman.” He said tentatively. 

“You brought here your cat?” Jace raised an eyebrow as he lifted the cat carrier, taking a peak inside. 

“I hope you don’t mind. I..I just felt like I wasn’t able to give him enough time and care and attention. I thought I would bring him over until..” He stopped abruptly, licking his lips. He wasn’t sure how long it would be with them. He didn’t want to give a random time interval. 

“Of course. I will take care of him for the time being.” Izzy said, smiling sadly as he looked at the tiny cat, who was currently meowing in the corner of its carrier. 

“Thanks Izzy.” Alec said, breathing out with a relief. He looked through the cage, looking into the cat’s eyes. “Promise me you will be a good boy.” He whispered as he smiled sadly at the tiny thing. 

“Is there any.. news?” Jace asked after they settled down in the living room. 

Izzy sent him a stern look; Alec assumed they had previously agreed not to pester him with questions but seemed as Jace were changing the plan last minute. 

“No. Yes. I don’t know. I..met someone. One of Magnus’ friends.” Alec said and his thoughts went back to Raphael. 

“And?” Izzy asked with wide eyes. She looked on edge, waiting for Alec to say something positive. 

“Magnus visited him some time ago.. he..” He ran a hand through his messy hair before blurting it out in one go. 

“He filed a divorce.” He bit his lips as he looked at his siblings’ faces. 

“What?” 

“Oh my god Alec..” Jace and Izzy said at the same time. His question sounded shocked, whereas Izzy’s voice was sad and apologetic. 

“Yeah.. I guess.. honestly.. I don’t know what to think. I.. I wasn’t.. I didn’t think he would.. I thought he was happy. That he loved me..” Alec said, his voice almost as whisper. He stared down at his hands, trying his best not to blink, afraid that a tear would then escape through his lashes. 

“I’m so sorry Alec.” Izzy said as she got up and hugged Alec, gently moving her hand in circles at his back. 

Alec pulled himself out of her hug as he sniffed and rubbed his nose into the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“Me too..” Alec murmured. He felt his lips trembling as he looked at his siblings. He saw all the love, all the pain in their eyes. 

“I love you two so much.” He whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

***

He sat at the sofa as he looked at the letters in his hands. 

He didn’t stay with his siblings for long. He wanted to be alone. 

He had to be alone. 

He didn’t think he would notice the lack of the Charmain, but he was surprised to realise that he actually missed the cat. 

He was more alone than ever. 

His eyes finally managed to focus on the blank letters as they looked back at him, almost jumping off the white paper. 

_Petitioner, Magnus Bane, brings the following Petition for Dissolution of Marriage against Respondent, Alec Lightwood-Bane._

Alec didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Magnus _Bane_. Not Bane-Lightwood. Just Bane. 

It broke his heart to see the love of his life, not bearing his name anymore. 

His hand was shaking. His grip on the pen was so strong, almost as if he was afraid, he would throw it away in any moment. 

Magnus’ signature was laughing at him from the form. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

He wanted to open them and wake up from the nightmare that became his life. 

His hand moved on its own as he scratched his signature on the dotted line. 

He read all the other documents. 

There was a form that enabled him to change his name. 

Magnus wasn’t playing around.. as the saying goes; Go hard or go home. 

Magnus was definitely not the type of person who would do something half-heartedly. 

He filled out the form and placed it into the envelope along with the other paper works. 

He glanced at the letter to see where he should post it. 

Ragnor Fell 

It was a New York law firm address. 

He sealed the envelope and ran down to drop it into the first letter box. 

***

There is always a point in your life when you have to make a decision. 

One that you can’t change, one that leaves you no chance to regret or withdraw. 

Sometimes it’s hard, almost impossible. Other times it’s easy, almost like breathing. 

As Alec took off his wedding ring and placed it on the letter, he knew that it was the easiest decision to make. One would argue and say that it was coward of him, but he didn’t care. 

He bit his lip as his gaze travelled to the letter, lying under his wedding band. 

He moved the small item to the side and took the paper into his hand. 

He opened it with a sigh as his eyes ran over it for the last time. 

“ _Dear Izzy and Jace_

_I am sorry._

_I want you to know, that I love you all with my heart. You are my everything and will always be the most important people in my life._

_I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always be in your hearts._

_I know most people would only wish to have such an amazing family I have._

_Mum, dad.. I am so happy and proud to call you two, my parents._

_Guys, you are the best siblings I could’ve ever have._

_I know you tried everything to be here for me and give me all your love and support and I can’t tell you how much it means to me. To be loved this much._

_Please, remember I love you._

_Alec_ ” 

He folded the envelope into half with careful movements as if it was made of glass. 

A feeling of nostalgia hit him as he walked into the bedroom. 

He hasn’t actually slept in their bed for weeks now. 

He remembered all the nights spent in there with talking, making love, cuddling or even watching movies. 

He remembered waking up next to Magnus, looking at his face bare of makeup, his hair without any glitter or hair product. He was beautiful in the mornings. Such a rare sight, only Alec was allowed to witness. 

He remembered every murmured I love you and sweet dreams under the cope of night. 

He smiled as he lied down onto the cool fabric. 

He felt a ghost of touch on his arm, almost as a caress of a lover. 

It was all too familiar. All too real. All too painful. 

He opened his fist and looked down onto the small vial. 

He unscrewed the lid. 

He licked his lip as he looked around himself. 

He loved the loft. It was his home. He never felt any safer, any happier anywhere else. 

Every knick-knack, every picture, every small bits. He was surrounded by love. By memories. By his life. 

One he was about to say good bye to. 

He gulped the drink down in one go. 

It was bittersweet. Matching the feelings in his heart. 

He slowly closed his eyes with a last thought. 

_Aku cinta kamu_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for: suicide
> 
> don't forget: A kind word, a random, yet genuine smile can always make someone's day a little bit better.  
> A man, who committed a suicide by jumping off the golden gate bridge, wrote in his final letter, that when he left a house to walk to the bridge, he told himself, that if just one!! person gives him a smile, he won't jump.
> 
> We are always too busy to pay attention to our surroundings, but sometimes while you are too busy to be in your own head, you are going to miss the whole world.


	12. 12

_2 months later_

“Lightwood.” Luke said and for the first time, Alec saw anger in the man’s eyes. He tried to control himself, but his body language and the stiffness of his posture gave him away.

It was midafternoon. He was sitting outside of a coffee shop. Alec knew the man was following him for at least a few weeks by then through the numerous cities they turned in. It was inevitable to speak to him. That’s how he ended up sitting alone with a black coffee, waiting for the older man to approach him. 

“Detective Garroway.” Alec said with a small nod as he swallowed his smile. He gestured towards the other chair, encouraging the other man to take a seat. 

“Unless I suddenly started to see ghosts, I assume you aren’t as dead as everyone thinks you are.” It was a statement, one that Alec couldn’t argue with. He heard the slight sarcasm in his voice. 

“Your assumptions are correct.” Alec said. 

“Hmm. Seems like Alrdertree wasn’t wrong for once.” The man said as he lowered himself onto the chair, quickly taking in his surroundings. 

“That depends on. What does Aldertree think?” 

“He was convinced that you were behind your husband’ disappearance. That you knew more than what you gave away.” It was another statement but this one had a slightly questioning tone to it. 

“Seems like everyone can have a lucky day once in a while.” 

“So, it’s true. You weren’t the innocent husband you portrayed. You were behind it.” Luke said, and once again. It was rather a question. He looked disappointed and almost shocked. Maybe a bit sad as well. 

“You got me.” Alec said with a smug smirk. 

“Why? You looked heartbroken. Worried. Devastated.” The man said, his wide eyes filled with confusion. 

“You are the detective. I would love to hear your theory.” Alec said, leaning back comfortably, arms crossed in front of his chest as he held the other man’s gaze. 

“I have no idea what made you to kill your husband and pretend to be the victim.” The disgust and loathing were dripping from his words like venom. 

“Now that is just a speculation. And a wrong one I may add.” He said and the amusement was gone from his features. He would never hurt Magnus. Hell, he would die for the man. 

“Are you trying to tell me that you only kidnapped your husband and kept him alive for months?” The man asked with a bitter, disbelieving laugh, 

“I didn’t kidnap my husband.” Alec said with a stoic voice. 

“You just admitted that you did. And now you didn’t?” The man asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“I said I had something to do with it. Not that I personally abducted him.” Alec said, pointing out the difference. 

“I don’t understand.” The man said and Alec rolled his eyes with a sigh. 

“Let me explain it for you then.” 

“Please do.” 

“First, turn your phone off and place it on the table. I wouldn’t want you to record everything.” He smiled and watched as the other man sucked in a breath but moving to do as he was told. Once Alec made sure that it was only the two of them, he started to speak. 

“I met Magnus under the same circumstances I told you before. That wasn’t a lie. He told me around our fifth date that he played a major part in the arrest of Valentine and Jonathan Morgenstern. I guess I don’t need to introduce them to you.” He said and watched as the man’s body tensed by just listening to their names. “He told me that he had to leave his normal job and had to cut all the connections with his friends. I was very understanding. I surely felt bad for him for not being able to live the life he had, but he assured me that both him and his friends, or as he liked to think of them, his family was supportive and they all knew the risks of Magnus being an undercover person. A mole if you like it that way. Personal motives.” Alec added quickly with a wave of his hand as he saw the man opening his mouth. 

“We had a plan. One that we both hoped we would never actually need. But life sometimes have another way. 

The day of his disappearance I was watching the news. That’s when we heard that the two Morgensterns somehow escaped and are on the run. We both knew what was coming next. 

Although there was no sign that anyone, who was still free, was after Magnus, we knew that Valentine would sooner or later realize that one of his most trusted man lead to his arrest. 

So, I helped him to disappear from the surface of Earth. We had everything planned out. 

I would go away from home to have an alibi in case someone would try to accuse me of having to do anything with him. 

I reported him as a missing person. I played the worried, scared husband who has no idea about anything. Aldertree was a pain in the ass. 

He accused me as soon as he saw the empty laptop. I had to delete everything. Not because of the police but incase Valentine’s people find me. Of course, he got suspicious and I was actually worried for a second that everything would go sideways, but then you came and took over the case. 

He constantly watched every step of mine despite he wasn’t leading the case anymore. A black SUV is easily spotted even if he always kept his distance. I first saw it when I went out to the balcony. I didn’t think much of it, but then he followed me a few other times as well, so I put two and two together. I guess he wanted to get me and because you didn’t seem to think that I was guilty, he took things into his own hand. 

I knew the flat was bugged. I found a few of them while I was going through Magnus’ stuff. I have no idea when he was in the house, or if it was even him but it didn’t really mattered. I wanted to make sure there is nothing in the house that could give any clue about him to anyone. 

He got all my stuff organized so all I had to do was get rid off everything else that was addressed to him. 

Aldertree obsession with me was an unseen turn of the events, I had to pretend to be the worried, sad, angry, heartbroken husband 24/7 even in my own home. I wasn’t always pretending, however. Even though it was all going according to the plan, I had no way to talk to Magnus or make sure he was alive. Not for the first few days anyway. I was worried and I missed him. I really didn’t know if I will ever see him again. 

It was hard. Pushing my siblings away but they had to see me suffering, in pain. I didn’t like it, but it was part of the plan. 

The plan wasn’t good. It had so many pitfalls. 

I had to log into his social media platforms to make sure that nothing has changed and that he didn’t actually have anyone among his friends who “shouldn’t be”. I couldn’t delete his accounts because that would have been suspicious, like he meant to disappear. I had to keep up the illusion that he just vanished, without it being planned or organized. 

I had to make sure I never got a step ahead of you. I had to make you believe that I was lied to for years and that I didn’t know my husband. 

I gave you the same false address Magnus have used for his “work”. I always met him there. It was something we’ve been doing from the start. A precaution if you like. My siblings were in the belief that he worked there, and I let them to believe it. 

In reality, he wasn’t really working, he was helping his friend, Raphael. The only person he didn’t close off. They only had each other. Magnus tried to convince him that this meant that he was in danger too, but he insisted that he had nothing to lose. 

He told me all about his friends. Catarina, Ragnor and Raphael. 

They were all part of the plan. I knew he would go to them and tell them everything. About me, about us, about the plan. 

They were all involved in one way or another. 

When you found his dad, I could finally reveal the letters..” 

“So, you did know about his father and who he was.” 

“I did, yes. He told me about it at the beginning.” 

“What was the whole point to visit him then?” 

“I did go to visit his father, but just to see if they were after Magnus already. I was sure he would know if someone was after killing his son. Afterall, news spread in prison. Finding out that a convicted criminal’s son who, himself, was known as criminal, turns out to be a mole. A traitor. Everyone would talk about such a thing. I knew he wouldn’t talk to you, but I hoped he would rub it in my face if he knew about it. I even used the letters to make him snap, however, it seemed like the betrayal hasn’t been revealed yet. This gave me an ease of mind. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that Magnus was fine, but it gave me hope and allowed me to stay focused on the plan. 

“What about the letters? Were they real?” Luke asked frowning as he listened to Alec. 

“The ones I brought to him were fake. He did send letters to Magnus, but he never read them. He kept the envelopes but burnt all the letters without even looking at them. 

Thankfully, you never asked me to show you what was in the letters.. There weren’t much to see in them by the way. They all said the same. Aku cinta kamu. I love you, in Indonesian. Magnus wrote them to remind me that it will be okay and that he loves me. 

The fact that the writing was clearly Magnus’, only occurred to me later, so I had to burn them. I couldn’t risk being caught for such a small misstep.” Alec said with a grimace. How fucking amazing, it would’ve been to go down for something so stupid. 

“The first stage of the plan was accomplished so I had to start the second one. Erasing Magnus’ from my life. 

I visited the hotel. The one Magnus and Raphael worked at, the night I sent you his bank details. 

I actually had the phone number for it on the fridge. Just in case I needed to reason why I went there. I could have said that I only realized it and I didn’t tell you until I found something. No reason to bother you with something that could turn out to be a dead end. I went there before. I couldn’t stop myself. I had to see him. I knew he would go to Raphael, but I didn’t know if he would stay there. 

Magnus was supposed to let me know that everything was going according to the plan a few days after his vanishing. 

I sent him a text on the day of his disappearance. He was meant to read it, so I would know that he was okay, but he never did. I was frustrated and worried. I didn’t go in, I just sat outside. There were so many lives at risk, I couldn’t be selfish. 

Anyway, after the prison visit, I walked there again, this time to actually talk to Raphael. I made as much shuffling as I could on my way there, but Aldertree was still following me. I couldn’t show any sign that I was aware, but I had to let Raphael know that it’s not safe. I didn’t want Magnus to be caught by him at the hotel or anywhere for that matter. 

I wasn’t sure if Alrdertree was listening or not, but I asked Raphael about Magnus, pretending that I didn’t know who he was, and he thankfully went with it and said that he had no idea about me or my husband. It was also a clue for them. 

The plan was ready to enter the next stage. 

When I got home, I found the ice cream in the freezer. I knew the key was attached to the bottom, but I had to wait until you found out about the property under Magnus’ name.” 

“I guess the signature wasn’t forgery as you claimed it to be.” Luke said with sarcasm and an unbelieving laugh. 

“I was aware that he wrote over the loft onto my name. Surely, I lied that he forged my signature, but in reality, I signed the papers. He didn’t want anyone to find me easily. Evidently, they would look for him in his home. 

Once you told me about it, I brought up the ice-cream-key thing. It wasn’t the part of the plan. To reveal that he was in the house, but I wasn’t sure if Aldertree saw anyone around the loft, so I had to drop something to keep myself out of trouble. I was worried you would drop the case, there and then, since my husband was clearly not missing. Not really. But I guess by then you were invested enough to want to get to the end of it. Plus it’s not like you can drop a case just because he might have been in the house. 

When we got into the house, I knew your people would turn it upside down. 

He had a photo album with his friends. We had to hide it somewhere so neither you nor Valentine’s people could find it. And no one did. I have to admit; I am really proud of myself for coming up with the idea. It was camouflaged as a cooking book. In case I ever needed to back up myself, destroying it, wasn’t an option at that point. I needed an explanation how I found out about his friends. 

Magnus made sure I could find a clue to Catarina. He put a picture in about her where she was wearing her nurse uniform. So, this way I had a reason to go and see her at the hospital and if Aldertree followed me, I had the prove there that I only found out about her because I saw the photos. 

I went to her and she was the biggest part of the final stage of the plan. I doubt that I was followed but I wasn’t sure. I never was. Don’t trust anyone. It was something Magnus always told me. If shit goes sideways, only trust yourself. 

After the visit at the hospital, I headed back to the hotel. 

Once I saw the pictures, I had a valid reason to go back and see Raphael. I had the proof there that they knew each other. 

Again, I didn’t see anyone following me, but that didn’t mean anything, so I had to pretend that I only found out about him and that I was boiling with anger. 

He told me that Magnus filed for divorce and gave me all the paperwork to sign. This way, I couldn’t be connected to him and I could’ve given off my last name to cut the last loose ends. Originally, he was meant to hand me over the files the first time I went there, so I could divorce Magnus, but things got a bit complicated and I used that meeting to warn him, so I had to push this part till now. I was afraid that the change in the plan would bite me in the ass, but thankfully the few days of delay had no major effect. I wasn’t found by Valentine’s men, so I call it a win. 

I knew that Magnus was listening. Raphael’s laptop was open on the table. He looked at it before talking to me. It was such a bored and unimpressed look it must have been to do with Magnus. Apparently, they always loved mocking each other. He must have been talking to Raphael when I arrived, there were earphones plugged into it. However, that didn’t stop him from hearing me, so I told him that I still loved him and that I was not going to give up. I wanted him to know that I was still okay. Plus, I had to make sure if there was anyone eavesdropping, I would appear as a husband in my shoes should. 

Once I got the files about the divorce, I signed the papers and got everything done. 

Ragnor helped to prepare them and get them all sorted, we both dropped the other’s name. 

That’s when I was meant to start the end game of our plan. 

“To fake your own death?” Luke asked raising an eyebrow and Alec nodded in response. 

“My husband was gone. Nothing was connecting him to me. Not the house. Not our marriage. Not our names. I couldn’t risk anyone going after my family. I had to make sure no one would ever assume that they knew anything. I had to make sure that the only thing connecting them to Magnus was gone as well. Me. 

Even if sooner or later the circle members would find out about our marriage all they would know that Magnus disappeared, and I killed myself because I couldn’t cope with losing him. 

It hurt beyond belief to know how much pain I was about to cause my family.. I was devastated for doing this to them, but I had to protect them. 

This is where Catarina’s part was essential. 

If I simply disappear that would’ve been suspicious. They would’ve never given up on looking for me. 

So, I had to play my death. I got some medication or poison rather.. from Catarina when I visited her at the hospital. She passed it onto me when she squeezed my hand. From outside it looked like a friendly or comforting gesture. It would put me into a coma-like state, lowering my life signals to the point where I would appear dead. 

Ragnor called an ambulance. I phoned him from a telephone box, once I posted the letters. This way I couldn’t be tracked or connected to him. Once they rushed me into the hospital, Catarina pronounced me dead. It was very risky. What if someone wanted to double check? Thankfully whatever she gave me must have been a magic potion because everything worked out according to the plan. 

She had to come up with an idea so I could have a closed coffin funeral. I still don’t know how she managed but she did. This way, I didn’t have to be there. As soon as it was safe, she gave me the antidote and I was back to normal with no side effects or long-lasting consequences.” 

Luke looked at him with a look Alec couldn’t translate. It seemed almost impressed, amused. 

“How did you get out of the hospital? Out of the city?” He asked after a few moments. 

“That’s where I needed Magnus’ oldest friend’s help once again. 

Ragnor got me out of the city. He dropped me off at a previously agreed point at the time we discussed beforehand and drove off. 

Magnus was there, already waiting for me. 

We planned his disappearance. We planned my death. 

This was the only way for us to stay together. To stay alive.”

~ _To be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god.  
> I'm literally dying to see what you guys think! I bet no one saw this coming.
> 
> I know this chapter leaves a few questions.. but it will be all answered. promise.
> 
> I promise. Magnus will be in every chapter from now on. (I think?)


End file.
